Thursday, 19 November 2009


I know folk get tired of being sent jokes via the Interweb, especially ones that have been doing the rounds for yonks, but this one made me splutter coffee over the keyboard. So thank you Ginny, for this little gem:

Yesterday I was at my local Co-op buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.


Julie P said...

Oh, Sue (and Ginny) that joke has made my day - it's hilarious! Thank you. I shall now show it to my husband! I'd never heard it before. Stunning!

Julie xx

Lynne Hackles said...

Love it!

Suzanne Jones said...

I'm still chuckling as I type...thanks for that.


Caroline Storer said...

So so funny. Me and the DH are laughing so much as I type! Caroline x

Karen said...


(Is it wrong that I'm tempted to try that diet??)

Teresa Ashby said...


martine frampton said...

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to send people here because this is just about the best story I have ever read on a blog anywhere ... and I've read a lot of blogs.
I want to be crazy like that when I'm old too .. you have to get to the point when you **really** don't care what anyone thinks.
thanks so so much for sharing
much love Martine

Sue Houghton said...

Thanks, Martine. I wonder just how many women went and stocked up on dog biscuits that day?

Scriptor Senex said...

That's twice I've read this now and it was just as funny the second time. I have to confess to doing the odd bit of wicked winding up myself but never quite achieved those standards.

Anonymous said...

That gave the whole family a laugh thank you. By the way I came via Martine's link, glad I did.