WORDS WITH JAM

There's only a few days left to enter this one so get scribbling. Words below courtesy of their website.



Let's keep it simple, eh? We're looking for the best short story of up to 2,500 words. Please note that we are looking for the Best Short Story, not bribes. If you wish to send vast sums of money, tickets for sell-out concerts, rare signed first editions, feel free, but as the stories will be judged anonymously, it won't help you much.

PRIZES
1st Prize - £300
2nd Prize - £100
3rd Prize - £50

CLOSING DATE
31st August 2010, 12pm GMT

RESULTS
All three winning entries will be published in the December 2010 issue of Words with JAM.

ENTRY FEE
£6 for one entry, £10 for two.

JUDGE
Sue Moorcroft will be selecting our three winners from this year's shortlist. Sue writes short stories, serials and novels – her third novel, Starting Over, was published in November 2009, with All That Mullarkey to follow on 1 June 2010. She’s both editor of and contributor to Loves Me, Loves Me Not, a short story anthology celebrating the Romantic Novelists’ Association’s 50th Anniversary.

Also a creative writing tutor, Sue’s first ‘how to’ book, Love Writing – How to Make Money Writing Romantic or Erotic Fiction, was published in January.

www.suemoorcroft.com
http://suemoorcroft.wordpress.com for news and writing tips

ENTRY
Please CLICK HERE for information on how to enter.

REMINDER?
To receive our FREE PDF e-zine, plus a reminder of the competition closing date nearer the time, CLICK HERE to sign up.

National Short Story Week

National Short Story Week is an annual awareness event. Its aim is to focus the attentions of the public and the media on the short story and short story writers, publishers and events. It is intended as a framework for promoting literary events and publications at a national and local level.

It's aims are:

1) to get more people reading and listening to short stories

2) to get more people writing short stories

3) to develop creative and commercial opportunities for individuals and organisations involved in the short story form.

The website is very informative with lots of stuff to listen to, download etc. and loads of opportunities to get involved. Patron is the lovely Katie Fforde. Read what she has to say here.

Not a lot changes.

Out of interest I looked back to see when I began this blog - Tuesday, October 3rd 2006. That's almost 4 years, with a lean bit around the beginning of 2008 when Google, for whatever reason, locked me out of my account.

My first ever post had the title Life Of Riley (scroll to bottom of page the link takes you to) and listed all the things I'd done that morning. You know, like chores and stuff.

How boring am I? I realise I've done exactly the same things this morning, the only difference being it's a Saturday and there wasn't an incidence at the supermarket checkout where I wanted to punch someone's lights out - though I did visit Tesco. Oh and as it's a Saturday the roads weren't blocked with school traffic. So, a little bit of variation on the morning but not a lot as Paul Daniels would say.

If you bothered to click on the PD link you'll know he too has a blog. I had a snigger at the comment he made about the Lovely Debbie McGee having her bottom fixed - he's referring to the boat they own and not his wife! Well, it amused me.

It's All Greek To Me

I'm taking part in Sally Quilford's Blog Take Over Day again this year so here goes. Hope you enjoy!

A passport craves a bit of adventure.




Yes, I admit it, I am still smarting from being abandoned in that poncey Greek taverna, so no, since you ask, I am not in the right frame of mind to hear my owner is planning the next holiday debacle.

You know, there was a time I had my life planned out. The first ten years, anyway. The Caribbean, the Maldives, Goa. All inclusive, of course. Drinks package, the whole caboodle. But what do I get? Two-star self-catering in the same shit-hole for the past three years because milady here has a thing for a certain Greek waiter. Trollop!

Hello, what’s she up to now? On the phone to her sister wanting to know the meaning of ‘moral turpitude’. From what I can make out she’s filling in some on-line form. Something about a visa.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the Greek incident now. Takes me right back to this time last year. She’d been on the retsina since she’d packed her suitcase and was still knocking them back on the plane - cheap seats. Last Minute dot crap.

We’d flown a day earlier than planned and she’d gone straight to the taverna to surprise Mr Greek. She did that all right. Caught him with his bread stick in another woman’s pastitsio. Get the picture?

Well, she picks up the pepper mill and lays him out cold. Next thing, she’s being escorted out to a taxi by some guy who’d been sitting at the bar (American - all loose tie and rolled up sleeves) and taken back to the airport. Somehow, in the kafuffle, I’ve fallen out of her handbag and become wedged under the dessert trolley alongside a stray olive.

I swear I can still smell garlic when she flicks through my pages and there’s a nasty stain on my faux leather case. That’s another thing...faux. Every passport I know has the real thing, though my preference would be for a nice Cath Kidston; the Provence rose one. Now that’s class. But no, Slack Alice here wobbled between fake Burberry and faux leather. Pink, faux leather. But I digress. The important thing, I suppose, is that the young chap who’d come to her rescue returned to look for me. For whatever reason, probably so she could refund him the taxi fare, young chap had given her his phone number and she’d called him from the airport when she realised I was missing.

Several hours later, we're back home, the suitcase is stashed under the spare bed, I’m back in the shoebox at the bottom of her wardrobe and she’s sobbing down the phone. No doubt to Mr Greek though it’s difficult to hear when you’re wedged under a pair of gladiator strappies.

Anyway, this goes on for months which brings us to the here and now. I’m lying on the desk with my spine crushed to buggery while she’s singing away to herself and tapping away on the computer. Then the phone rings and she’s on it like a German on a sunlounger.

Yes, she’s telling caller, she’s sorted out the visa. She can’t wait to see him again. And his ranch. Ranch? Fly first class? America? Max? Who’s Max? Of course! The guy who came to her rescue in Greece! He's the one she's been speaking to on the phone all along.

This passport is bound for Vegas, baby!

Whose point of view?

My fourth novel was originally written from a male viewpoint because it was the hero's story I wanted to tell, but maybe more so because it felt comfortable that way. A few chapters in I posted it on a well-known critique site. I received some useful feedback but was advised that I'd do better to swap to a female POV as that's what women readers preferred. Did they?

Anyway, I took this advise on board and my heroine, Roisin Connor, was born. Now, I love her to bits but I often wonder how the book would've turned out if I'd told Lex's story instead.

I was thinking about this when I came across an interview with Sue Moorcroft on the Singles Titles website. Her two novels Starting Over and All That Mullarkey, published by Choc Lit, both feature the hero's pov. Luckily, she has a male friend who can read her chapters to double check if her hero is thinking like a man. Particularly liked the line about 'lifting hems'. To see what I mean, read Sue's interview here.

Why Can't I get Published in the Womags?

Well, this is weird, I update my website and blog as I've been doing for the past 4 years but for the first time I announce it on Facebook and it generates quite a few questions from wannabe womaggers. Most wanted to know:

How come I can't get published in the Women's mags?

There must be a thousand and one answers to that one but I'll save time by cutting and pasting my answers from my archives. I doubt anything has changed!
Here goes...


First off, it probably has nothing to do with how well you write. And I trust you CAN write well before you attempt publication.
No amount of literary prose will impress a magazine editor unless it's what she/he is looking for. It must 'fit' his/her magazine (look I'm sick of being PC and writing 'his/her' so in future it's 'her' okay?).

I've seen some beautiful writing by folk with far greater experience and literary talent than I have, yet they can't sell to the womags. So, what are the womag editors looking for?

'I'll know it when I see it', is their usual response. I think they go as much with gut instinct as anything. But, they are experts at it and let's not forget their jobs rely on them getting it right. Their sales prove they know exactly what pleases their readership.

So how do we please them?


* Your story has to be a satisfying read - a hook at the beginning, no saggy middle and you must tie up all the loose ends at the finish. A reader should go 'Ahhh' at the close, not 'What the f***?'

* The characters must be well-drawn, the sort their readership would recognise and identify with. You don't find many tattooed bikers living with unmarried mums in The People's Friend, or wool shop owners wearing Tweed (the cloth or the perfume take yer pick) in Take A Break...see what I mean?

* Your character must come up against a problem which she resolves in a satisfying and believable way. The solution must be something she works through, not a sudden 'cavalry coming over the hill' type of closure. Remember Bobby Ewing waking up in the shower in Dallas? That's the type of thing I mean.

* And this is the hardest criteria to meet...it must be something an ed hasn't seen before. Something original. Or at least a different 'take' on an old plot.


So, you've made sure your story meets all the above requirements and still you can't get an acceptance? Then there's always the other reasons for non-acceptance...


* It was the right story at the wrong time. Magazines plan about 4 mths ahead. Don't send a summer holiday story out in August. Likewise don't send a Christmas one out in November.

* The ed loves your story but she needed a 1000 word piece and you sent in 2000 and there isn't time to ask you to cut it, so she chooses the next in the slushpile and you get a rejection...or if you're very lucky you go onto a short-list for next time there's a need for 1000 words. Except this short-list tends to be a very long short-list in most magazine offices. My advice is to re-send any short-listeds after 6 months.

* The story was well-written with great characters and a smashing ending BUT the editor regrets she took something similar last week.

* The editor has bought far too many recently - enough for another six months. They have a budget tighter than a camel's bottom believe me! Make a note of when the editor said she's ready for more subs and re-send when the time is up. But be quick, every other writer will do the same.


I'm sure there're a dozen other reasons and any editors reading this blog might like to chip in.

Conclusion: If you know you can write, don't take a rejection to mean your story is unsaleable. Try a different mag. One with similar guidelines, obviously, unless you're prepared to edit to fit, which a writer with a professional approach will almost certainly do.

PS Apologies to any wool shop owners(my friend Kath)who wouldn't be seen dead in anything tweed.

ESTA

I've spent a few minutes applying for our ESTA's or Electronic System Travel Authorisation forms which replace the Visa waiver form you used to fill in on the aircraft before landing in the US. Application can only be done online so if you don't have a PC or a friend able to fill in the form for you, its tough luck! They're valid for 2 years and free until Sept 9th then they'll cost £9 after that. Think I've got that right.
Loved some of the questions on the form - like anyone's going to tick the 'yes' box!

B) Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or have been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more; or have been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
C) Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

My application went straight through while Himself's is 'pending further investigation'. If he disappears suddenly I'll know the FBI have caught up with his criminal moral turpitude!

PS. Beware of scam websites that are not only virus-ridden but are asking for around $50 for the application.
See Martin Lewis, the Money Saving Expert's website for more detailed info

Mid-week Wanderlust

We, that's Himself, my daughter Amy and her fiance Tom, drove out to the Peak District last week. We haven't been that out way since we moved from Sheffield when it used to be a regular thing to just hop off up into the hills. I don't know why we stopped going as it's only 30 miles away from Worksop where we live now. Anyway, I'm glad we went because I'd forgotten how beautiful it is. Helped by the fact we had good weather. I have memories of horrible, biting rain and clouds so low you couldn't see the top of Mam Tor.





There was a bit of mizzle on the way to the Blue John Cavern but the sun came out later on as we descended into Castleton.

This is a pic of me and Himself, completely inappropriately dressed for a trip 300 metres underground but my excuse is we'd only intended to visit Castleton (pub lunch) and I'm allergic to fleece.


After we came out of the cavern (exhausted after climbing 400-plus slippery steps - and note to cavern owners: Please sort out your disgustingly-smelly toilets they smell worse than the sheep!)we drove down into the valley. The scenery is absolutely stunning.







We stopped in Castleton for a pub lunch at The Castle where the service was extremely slow but the food was worth the wait. Real food, if you know what I mean. None of that freezer to microwave rubbish as proven by the caterpillar on Amy's tastefully-arranged vegetables! But we forgave them because we were having such a jolly time. See, I'd never use the word 'jolly' EVER, but that was how the day made me feel, jolly!

There's a Norman church in Castleton and anyone who knows me will guess I spent a happy hour there snapping away. I don't find these places eerie or feel the need to tread carefully around the graves. Why place a magnificent headstone dedicated to your loved ones if you don't want folk to gawp? I find them fascinating and more than once have I written a story based around a headstone. Like this one.






Who were these children? Why did they die so young and one after the other? Why the memorial (obviously not a poor family)and why were they later interred in Mount Jerome Cemetery, Dublin? What is the story behind it? I've done a bit of digging n the Net but so far I haven't come up with anything. No doubt if I'd gone into the church at the time and asked they'd have had some info but our little group wanted to be off to the Lady Bower reservoir.



Derwent Reservoir was next on our list. We found a large picnic area, sat on a bench, ate crisps, drank cola and ducked (why?) as a military helicopter flew over the treetops right above our heads.





We followed the A57 across Derwent viaduct and headed back home making a detour to a Nottingham shopping mall to pick up a 6 berth tent and fleece clothing for any further wanderings into the dales. In fact, Amy & Tom christened the tent this weekend. They are, as I type, camped in a farmer's field with 6 of their mates. And I'm jealous!

PS. I also got a great snap I'm going to send to My Weekly or maybe The People's Friend for their readers page. I earned £50 for My Weekly's star letter last month so not to be sniffed at!

Cupcakes!

Cupcakes instead of a traditional wedding cake? No problem, I can make those! How difficult can it be?

Trial run this morning:

1. Go to Sainsbury's to buy 2 dozen ready-made fairy cakes. Of course I'll make everything from scratch for the big day but this is about practising the decorating, isn't it?
2. Return home only to discover (Dur!)I forgot the butter for the icing.
3. Try corner shop but the only stock salted - need unsalted so reluctantly go back to Sainsbury's. No trolleys and only checkout available is the self-checkout ones I avoid at all costs. Nice assistant offers to do it for me...er, self checkout?
4. Back at my car, realise I forgot the butter so go back and while I'm at it, pick up disposable icing bags (on special offer), sugar strands, mini-marshmallows, choc sprinkles, and some aspirin for the headache.
5. Get home to find I already have all of the above in my cupboard but never mind, if I'm going to be making 120 cupcakes for daughter's wedding, I'll need them.
6. Getting icing to correct consistency proves difficult and maybe I've used too much red food colouring.
7. Start again.
8. Knock over food colouring
9. Spill sugar sprinkles trying to catch food colouring.
10. I can't do this
11. Why did I ever begin this?
12. Can we buy them in instead?
13. What's wrong with a traditional wedding cake anyway?

Eventually, out of the 2 dozen fairy cakes, I end up with 14 only-slightly-wonky cupcakes.
FROM THIS...









TO THIS...

Famous Five gets a make-over

Should dated language be edited for a new generation of readers? Alison Flood, a writer on guardian.co.uk/books and former news editor of The Bookseller, poses the question here.

Quick Update

Still a lot of angsty stuff going on in my life - or rather in the life of those around me - which means I spend less and less time updating blogs and doing any writing in general. Strange thing is I'm not missing it. Perhaps I needed a break from it, who knows. But, I still keep sending stuff out. Not new stuff, but stories that I've been unable to sell, or ones whose contract has ended with a particular mag and can now be tried overseas.

Anyway, after a day's editing and re-jigging, I got 2 sales last week. 1 to The Weekly News and the other to That's Life!Fast Fiction, Aus. Both are twist in the tales with a ghostly influence.

What else's been happening? Oh, crikey, almost forgot (how did I forget the most important thing that's happened here? I told you my head was all over the place) my daughter, Amy has got engaged to her boyfriend, Tom. He proposed on 4th July at the top of the London Eye. And he went down on one knee, hence the reason he looks a bit short in this photo when actually he's around 6'7"!

Note the guy in the background oblivious to this momentous occassion. Apart from Amy's brother, Russ, and his fiancee, Maria (who were in on the surprise)there were some American tourists in the pod, none of whom said a word. Amy had a fit of the giggles and had to be reminded that she needed to reply to Tom's question of 'Will you marry me'. She said, 'Yes'. No date set as yet. Russ and Maria get married in Vegas next year so you never know, maybe there'll be a double wedding! There again, I have 2 other sons who might join the Betrothed Club. Gawd, 4 weddings...gasp!

Slush Pile Hell

Thought I'd pass on this link to Slush Pile Hell. Much mirth reading the query letters from wannabe authors!

Literature Map

Ever finished a book from favourite author and can't find another of theirs you haven't read? (Sorry, clunky sentence!) If so, try www.literature-map.com
Simply put the name of your fave author in the box, press search and it'll bring up names of authors who write in a similar fashion.



And because I can't find a suitable picture to make this post more interesting, here's a pic of Vic and Bob, my goldfish, instead. No relevance whatsoever, but they've cheered me up on what has been a frightful couple of weeks! Don't ask!

And, yes, I know it's not a very clear photo but you try getting fish to look at the camera!

The Anatomy Of A Book Cover

Don't judge a book by it's cover? Are you kidding? The cover needs to tell almost as much of the story as the text does.
Best selling author Elizabeth Chadwick shares her insight in the process of creating a cover here

Elizabeth Chadwick website

Just For Fun

I've been neglecting my blogging duties but there's been so much domestic stuff going on here that I've not felt up to it. Apologies.

I don't know about you but when I'm feeling I'll never write again, a quick jaunt to my writing pals' websites/blogs to see what they're up to usually lifts the brain fog and stirs me into scribbling.

Which brings me to those story generator thingamabobs. I've used them before with a few results so thought I'd try the one on Val McDermid's site. Glad I did because not only did it give me a giggle (death by custard pie? Sounds mad but you had to be there!)but it started the old cogs churning and I think I now have the bones of a crime story. So thanks for that Val!

Try it for yourself here

Pig Baby Weekend

If any of you live down in East Sussex, here's something for you:
Pig Baby Weekend - is a fantastic weekend of poetry, short stories and literary fun in the Sussex countryside at Beechwood Hall, Cooksbridge, Near Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 3QG.

Good Vibrations

Spring has sprung, summer's just around the corner so in anticipation I spent yesterday evening changing my wardrobe around. By that I mean storing away the coats, scarves and boots etc that kept me cosy throughout one of the coldest winters I can remember and replacing them with cool linen trousers and summery tops that I'd stuffed un-ironed in a drawer after last year's holiday.

Happily I've dropped a dress size or two since last September but as we don't have a holiday planned for this year (new central heating boiler ate our spends) I'm not going to buy too many new clothes. I should be able to pull in the waistband drawstrings and add a belt to any baggy tops. If I look like a badly stuffed cushion, so be it!

There is one thing I am spending money on, however. After lots of research, I've bought a power plate exerciser from the shopping channel. The hope is I can tone up the dinner lady arms and get the rest of this old bod in shape, because losing the weight's one thing, tightening the flab to fit neatly back on the bones is another!

Surprisingly, Himself didn't remind me that the cross-trainer, air-walker and sit-up ball I owned all ended up on eBay or that there's still a training-bench in the cupboard under the stairs and several dumb bells clattering about under the spare bed.

Anyway, my Vibrapower Max Trainer with *6 free bottles of Bio Energy Fitness Water arrived this morning. I was at home but didn't hear the courier knock. Luckily I saw him pulling away in his van and eager not to miss my delivery slot, ran to flag him down. He'd left it somewhere safe, he shouted. In the wheelie bin! Luckily the blue one (paper only) and not the green bin (household waste) or I would've been scraping last night's curry off it.

So, after lots of puffing to get the thing inside, more puffing and cussing putting it together, I got my first go at power plate exercise. Seriously, I can't begin to describe what it's like to stand/squat/perch/lean and lunge on a rubber mat that's being vibrated/oscillated at over 35-50 times per second. Thank heavens each routine is only for 3 sets of 3 mins per session, every other day. And hey, it doesn't involve breathlessness or sweating...amazing!

It promises a host of benefits, ranging from an immediate improvement in blood circulation, to a variety of other measurable outcomes such as increased muscle strength and flexibility, improved range of motion, decreased cellulite (woop, woop), increased bone mineral density and reduced arthritic pain. I think they omitted to mention it can loosen teeth, too!

I'm not expecting miracles and nor am I fooled into thinking *Bio Energy Fitness Drink is anything but sweetened water, but I'm giving it a go. Who knows, It might rattle my brain cells enough to let a few story ideas fall out.

Epilogues

Pop over to Sue Moorcroft's blog for some wise words on epilogues.

The last few books I've read (currently half-way through and loving Number Ten by Sue Townsend) there's been a prologue and an epilogue. My own novel has both, though they're quite short.

I wish I could recall which agent it was who said he liked neither and most agents he knew felt the same. Bit of a sweeping statement and probably just a passing trend as with all things literary. Anyway, whatever the current trend, I'm sticking with mine. One agent I sent my novel to remarked that he liked my epilogue and the fact that it's title is 'The Beginning'. Pity he didn't like the preceeding 300 odd pages as much!

RIP Alan Sillitoe

Sad to hear the news that Nottingham-born novelist Alan Sillitoe has died aged 82 in Charing Cross Hospital. His novels marked him out as one of the Angry Young Men of British fiction.

Saturday Night And Sunday Morning was made into a successful film starring Albert Finney after the novel was published in 1958. Then came The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner starring Tom Courteney. Both films were seen as classic examples of kitchen sink dramas reflecting the reality of life in Britain.

He also published several volumes of poetry, children's books and plays.

A Million Womag Writers

Amanda Brittany has started to compile a list of womag writers on her blog. Boy does she have her work cut out! There must be thousands of us out there, all scribbling away hoping to please an editor. Which got me to thinking about when I first started out submitting back in 2001.

A sub to People's Friend would take approx a week to 10 days for a yay or nay answer. A sub to Woman's Weekly or My Weekly maybe three to four weeks. Take A Break usually got back to me within 4 to 5 weeks, 6 at the most. How times have changed!

The People's Friend still remains the quickest, with all the other mags taking up to 6 months and in some cases over a year for a decision. That's if they bother to answer at all. Increasingly, some are adopting the 'if you don't hear from us assume it's a rejection' attitude, which I find irksome (a bloody liberty). Yes, I know you're busy but how difficult would it be to hit the reply button on an email? If any editors who've adopted this stance are reading this then...um...ignore my comments - I don't want to be black-listed! Which, I suppose is exactly why they get away with it.

My pet hate is editors who don't EVER get in touch. Not even to say 'Stop sending me your pathetic drivel'. A certain overseas mag editor hasn't replied to me in years, though she accepted the first thing I ever sent her so she must like my writing. Maybe I should take it as a sign she's not interested but until she actually says so I'll keep sending. No, I wont get tired and disheartened, Missy. I'm made of sterner stuff! You don't get rid of me that easily.

Maybe she needs to take a leaf out of Fast Fiction Oz who have an automated reply system to acknowledge receipt of a submission which I think is a brilliant idea - but even that's hit and miss, especially following their (frequent) editor changes.

The nice people at My Weekly generally send a brief 'Got it, Sue' email as does Woman's Weekly. They may then take months and months to give a definitive answer, but at least I'm not left wondering if it ever arrived in their in-box.

But then never having been an editor I can't imagine what it must be like to open my in-box on a Monday morning to find it crammed to busting point with submissions. And not all of publishable quality at that!