Dough and, um, dough.

I started making my own bread just before last Christmas. Bit daft considering we run a shop that sells the stuff ready baked but I like being able to bake a fresh loaf when I please. When I say 'I bake', what I mean is I buy the packet mix that has the yeast already in it. I just add tepid water and any flavourings I want.

My favourite is a focaccia mix to which I add rosemary (from the garden), loads of olive oil, garlic, sun-dried tomatoes and/or black olives...and more olive oil! Goes down well at BBQs. Plus, it freezes well, too.

Going off at a tangent...What I was saying in my other post about emptying the suitcases, I see we have some Egyptian pounds left over from our spends. I think 100 Egyptian is around 10 quid sterling. We didn't realise till we got to Egypt that they don't like their own currency (something to do with exchange rates). No, they prefer the Euro or US dollars which can be a bit confusing when you pay for something in EGP that is marked in USD or EURO and you get back change in sterling.

Oh and while I'm on the subject, Himself bought an English newspaper while we were out there and it wasn't till he was putting the change back in his wallet that he realised he'd been 'had'! His own fault really, he'd given the man USD instead of EGP and we worked out that copy of the Daily Express cost us around £10!

Anyway, I digress. The reason I mention the left-over spending money and moreover what that has to do with baking bread...I've been out this morning and bought an automatic bread maker with the left-over spends - Netto £49.99. I've got a whole grain loaf in at the moment. Smells delicious, takes half the time of kneading by hand but to be honest not nearly as satisfying. The kitchen worktop (and me for that matter) doesn't have a spot of flour on it and there aren't jugs and spatulas to wash up but now I realise that was half the fun. Ah well, at least I can set the timer to prepare the dough while we're asleep so we wake up to fresh baked bread of a morning. That def beats getting up at 6 to do it...not that I ever did!

PS Baked this on Sunday

What a relief to finally get to the bottom of the suitcases - instead of just dumping all our holiday clothes in front of the washing machine, this time, I've left them in the cases, taking out one wash load at a time. This way I'm kidding myself there isn't THAT much dirty washing or (worse) THAT much ironing to do.

But now I'm looking at freshly dried sundresses,shorts and T-shirts piled over the banister awaiting introduction to the iron and my heart sinks. But wait, will there be many more hot days left this summer on which to wear them? Probably not. So can I get away with banging them on hangers un-ironed? Come next holiday I'll only run them through the washer again anyway 'to freshen them up', so what's the point in doing it twice? And I'd be saving electricity and hence the planet by not ironing them, wouldn't I? And it'll free up the time for me to get some writing done. That's it then. My conscience is clear.

I forgot to say...

...the holiday was great. 44 degrees most days so I stayed under a parasol smothered in industrial strength suncream. I'd have come back paler than I went were it not for the prickly heat rash on my body and an allergic reaction to said suncream that has made my face swell so I resemble a greedy hamster.

That aside, we saw some amazing sights. The sea-life is spectacular. Like a screen shot from Finding Nemo.

We went into the eastern desert by jeep where Himself went off on a quad bike while I explored the Bedouin camp where we were to take supper later that evening. I rode a camel which I have to say was scary - they seem so tall from the saddle! A nice Frenchman riding beside me said I looked a bit tense and went on to assure me that they can only gallop at 60 miles and hour and they can only keep that up for about 5 miles. What?!

We climbed a mountain (well a very high sand dune - think quarry pit kind of thing)and watched the sun set over the desert. Very surreal and so quiet.

The supper - we'd decided to decline (health grounds you understand and the fact that we'd watched the women making the bread!)but by the time they served it up we were so hungry we'd have eaten a scabby camel. And you know what? It was DELICIOUS! There was chicken, a green bean stew of some sort, er another stew, a sesame/vinigrette dressing, sausages, fresh salad, and all washed down with cola, with watermelon to finish. And no Mummy's Revenge the next day! Yum!

Then the entertainment - the Bedoiun children and adults did a dance for us - a bit like Morris dancing with knives. Then there was a belly dancer, a whirling dervish and finally a man on a stallion which I have to say looked distinctly unhappy - the horse not the man. And as we were sitting at hoof level, was a bit un-nerving as the rider attepted to keep his mount under control.

As it grew dark, the camp lights were extinguished and we then took turns to look through a telescope at the night sky. Have to say was a bit unimpressed as all I could see was this bright light...possibly the moon, dunno?!

And here's a pic of me with two gorgeous Bedouin children.

It's a Man's World

I've been back home for two days and have spent most of that time on the phone to various companies regarding our car insurance renewal because Himself has gone back to work and doesn't have the time. Like I do?!

Anyway, normally it's straight forward i.e. if we get a similar quote to the previous year, we just go with it. Yes, I could search on-line but have you ever tried using those comparison websites? The ones where you fill in your details (just the once as the adverts tell us) then seconds later the PC crashes as the quotes come on screen meaning you have to start from scratch again!

Thing is, I have a few little problems this time around as the present car's insurance expires on the 11th of this month but it's due to go back to the lease company on the 17th so basically we only need a week's insurance. Add to that the fact that the new car is delivered on the 14th and...well you get my drift.

The first quote offered was massively more expensive than anticipated so the kind person said they'd transfer me to another company...and they, in turn, transferred me to another...and then another...and then another...

Until, eventually I'm talking to someone called 'Bri' at NATO HQ. At least, by his over-use of the phonetic alphabet, the guy fancies himself to be on military manoeuvres rather than sitting in a call centre in Coventry. But he's confident he can help me so I stick with it.

'Kilo-Mike-zero-niner-Oscar Juliette-Foxtrot,' he sings down the line. 'Is that affirmative?'

......HUH?

'Your new registration number, madam?'

'Oh, um, yes.'

'And your postcode?'I tell him and he comes back with,'Sierra-eight-zero-niner-Lima-Papa. And your surname...how are you spelling it? Hotel-Oscar-romeo-tango-alpha-November?'

By this time I'm right there with him, fighting off the insurgents. Combat trousers, flack-jacket, the lot.'No, it's H-o-u-g-h-t-o-n,' I say.

A five second delay, then, 'That's H for...'

Harry Potter? Herpes? Hell, life's too short for this c**p, and I hung up.

5 mins later I'm back with the company I should've called in the first place, gratefully signing up for over-priced insurance but hey, the woman on the end of the line is called Vanessa and we had a nice chat about my holiday and guess what? Her sister's got the same car as ours except in the metallic bronze colour. She's not sure what it's called but it matches her Mischa Barton handbag.

No, of course she didn't say that...the bag was from Primark.

Hasta la vista!

I'm off on my hols in the early hours of tomorrow morning, so I'm signing off now or I wont have time to pack the suitcases! We're going to Marsa Alam, Red Sea, Egypt for a week's snorkeling and swimming with the fishies.
Okay, truth is we'll probably slob out on the beach with a good book and a rum & coke!
Happy writing and I'll see you when I get back.

Where do your ideas spring from?

Like most writers I'm forever being asked, 'Where do you get your ideas?' 'From everywhere,' I'll reply, which, often as not, is greeted with a blank stare. I assume what they'd really like to hear is something on the lines of 'Oh, I have this machine in the back bedroom that pops out ideas if I feed it pound coins.'

Well, I don't have such a machine. My writing style is fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type. An idea pops into my head as a scene or a bit of dialogue and that generates lots of questions which, in all probability, I won't even jot down. Yes, I know all the advice about keeping a notepad to hand and I do have dozens ranging from Moleskines to Wilko's jotters scattered around the house, but I'm always convinced I'll remember an idea...which I rarely do, so yes, the advice is right blah, blah.

Anyway, if I do remember it by the time I sit in front of the computer, I'll start to write it up and if the Muse Fairy is with me, a tale will evolve.

The last story I submitted (and sold) the other week, came in exactly this way. I was doing the washing up when the song Love Hurts by the Everly Brothers came on the radio. Remember that one?

Love hurts, love scars
Love wounds, and mars any heart
Not tough or Strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain
Love hurts......ooh, ooh love hurts


The brain cells fired up. The questions started coming.

Q. What else is as painful as a broken heart?
A. A broken leg? A broken tooth? Yes, the latter sounded right.

Q. Who's got a broken tooth?
A. Let's make it a man.

Q. Why?
A. Because men would make a drama out of it and I can ring more humour out of that! Women's mag editors are always on the lookout for humorous stories.

Q. How did my man break his tooth? I'm calling him Rob by this time..
A. He's showing off by taking the cap off a bottle of beer with his teeth - a party trick he was good at in his younger days.

Q Who's he showing off to?
A. The new and much younger, sexy neighbour. I named her Claudia because it sounds blonde and girly.

Q. Why is Rob showing off? He has a loving wife doesn't he? And she's called Kath, I decided.
A. Rob's having a mid-life crisis, what else?

It was at this point I sat down to begin putting it all together. By the time I had my characters 'talking' to each other and I understood them, the rest of the story wrote itself. The resolution came easily and with a twist at the end, which if you want to know, you'll have to wait until it's published!

PS - In case you were wondering, this is what a Muse Fairy looks like

Seen Reading

Taken from the Seen Reading website:

Julie Wilson is the creator and author of the literary voyeurism blog, Seen Reading. She has appeared on CBC Radio’s “Here and Now” to discuss the reading habits of Torontonians.
Here's what she says:

What is Seen Reading?

1.I see you reading.
2.I remember what page you’re on in the book.
3.I head to the bookstore, and make a note of the text.
4.I let my imagination rip.
5.Readers become celebrities.
6.People get giddy and buy more books.

Interesting, huh?

Don't know about you but I also have a quick nosey at what others are reading when I'm out and about. Especially on holiday. Love to see what people have in their beach bags.

Talking of holidays, I went into Tesco's this afternoon for a few last minute holiday essentials - you know the sort of thing: Antidote for snake venom, mini fan combined with a handy torch(?!), sewing kit...all the stuff you very rarely need but take 'in case' - anyway, while passing the paperback shelves I noticed most of the best-sellers had been picked over leaving only a few dog-eared thrillers and a few oldies re-issued with new covers.

But, wait a minute...there was one chick-lit lurking behind an Ian Rankin - Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic Abroad. Perfect beach read. So I nabbed it. I'll also be taking along Paul O'Grady's autobiography, At My Mother's Knee, and Take A Break's summer puzzle book.

And I just remembered...while in Rhodes year before last, I was stretched out on a sun lounger taking in the rays, when a woman yelled that I should take a look in my beach bag. The way she was panicking I thought maybe a scorpion (do they have them in Rhodes?) had crept inside. But no, it was only one of the island's cats curled up for a snooze.

Hasta La Vista

I'll be catching an early flight tomorrow morning. Meanwhile here's a joke, I'm posting in response to negative remarks about where I've chosen to holiday this year - not that we're going to Rome, we're off to Marsa Alam, Red Sea coast, but you get the idea!

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So,how are you getting there?”
“We're going Thomas Cook,” was the reply. “We got a great rate.”
“Thomas Cook?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.”
“We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That's rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
“It was wonderful,” said the woman. “Not only were we on time in one of Thomas Cook’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million re-modelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
“That's all well and good," muttered the hairdresser. "But I bet you didn't get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
“Oh, really! What'd he say?”
He said: “ Oh, goodness me, my dear, whoever messed up your hair?"

Don't get hung up about it

Any excuse not to write!



Ever suffered writer's block? I know I have. I've got it now.
There're a number of websites giving advice on how to get over it. Some writers don't believe it exists...lucky them, is all I can say. I even spouted about how to get over it on my own blog back in 2006. A lot has happened since then and these days when it strikes I simply close the laptop lid, go shopping, walk the dog, bake a cake, get out the ironing board - actually scratch that last one, I suffer ironer's block on a grand scale!

I used to get hung up about this 'orrid brain fog that strikes out the blue because, after all, selling short stories is my main source of income. If I don't write, I can't submit and hence make a sale. Experience shows I need to have at least 30 - 40 pieces of work out there at any one time to keep the turnover of acceptances at a decent level. I just checked and I have around 25 submissions with editors at the moment. That's way down on what it should be. So what to do about it? Well, here's what I won't do...

Firstly, I won't beat myself up about it like I used to do. So what if I haven't written anything new in ages? It doesn't mean I'm lazy and telling myself I'm useless or have lost my Mojo wont help either. I'm my own boss and as such I can award myself a little break can't I?

I won't try setting myself goals. Write anything that comes to mind, was my advice, Free writing it's called. 500 words a day - doesn't matter if it's rubbish. Well, it does matter and if I'm honest, it always did. See, what if I can't make the 500 words? I'll resent it even more. Which brings me on to the main thing I won't do...

I WON'T QUIT! I'll give in to all those distractions knowing that the next thing I do write will be worth waiting for. It will sell first time out. Oh yes, it will!

Martin Lewis on punctuation

I've long been a fan of Martin Lewis, the money saving expert off the telly. I follow his blog, subscribe to his newsletters and watch him whenever he appears on GMTV. I've taken his advice on a couple of occasions the last time being over getting insurance for my new mobile phone...I did mention my new Nokia 5800 whizz-bang didn't I?

Anyway, found this post on his blog regarding that naughty little apostrophe and I have to say I agree with him on its use in this instance ie when a word ends in an 's'. What are your views?

Just a minute my hard drive is making funny noises - I'm installing Nokia Music for my new Nokia 5800 - I did mention my new phone didn't I? ;0)

Subs

I sent my allowed monthly story off to My Weekly today. The editors have put a 'one a month' restriction on submissions until they make some headway through their slushpile. The one I chose to send is a 1600 word twist with a touch of romance. Trouble is, by the time they get to reading it, they'll have changed their requirements!

I've also took a risk and sent a spooky one off to a market that I don't think runs this type. It does have a romantic undertone so maybe they'll make an exception.

Ireland's Own's editor, Sean Nolan, hasn't bought anything from me recently despite having said he'd short-listed a bunch...then nothing. I know he's inundated with submissions so maybe something better came up he preferred to publish. Anyway, today I've sent him a story I think he might like, but I won't hold my breath!

Confession time

It's perhaps a bit of an embarrassing statement for a writer but the truth is, I haven't been in a public library in over 10 years. I think my last visit would've been with my youngest two (twins) to borrow a book for a school project. I was always in and out the revolving doors when the kids were at school, by the way.

Other than that I've not felt the need to get in the car, drive the 2 miles only to find they haven't got the info I need. I say 'info' referring to research for work in progress. Why? Because it's much easier for me to go on-line.

Okay, I know some of you will say that not everyone has access to the Internet or the luxury of Broadband. Not everyone can afford to buy paperbacks - though with such heavily discounted prices in the supermarkets I doubt the validity of that argument! And, yes, I know that libraries have come on a lot since my last visit. And yes, I know libraries do not only serve as storehouses for hundreds of books, they also contribute to the community.

I've checked...my local library offers computer classes with free Internet access and hosts weekly book-club meetings, they have a monthly Weight Watcher's group and after-school programmes and much more. As I write this, a new library and community centre is being built on land beside the old building in Worksop, where I live. And, oh, my days, I just read this:

The existing library was built in the late 1930s and the accommodation it provides does not allow for the delivery of a modern library service.

At present there are 211,000 books issued each year and this is predicted to rise to over 265,000. Similarly the number of visitors at present is 143,000 a year and this is predicted to rise by a maximum of 30 percent to over 186,000.

The new library needs to be nearly twice the existing floor area to accommodate the projected increase.

Hmm...maybe it's time I re-joined. I might be missing out!

Publication Day...

...must be close for a story I sold recently, because the fee dropped into my bank account this morning. This mag pays on acceptance but also publishes shortly afterwards. Hope they'll send me a copy.

Story Titles

Do you fret over your magazine story titles? It isn't often I get stuck for one, though members of my writing group might disagree the number of times I've called on them for their help! Sometimes a title drops into my lap before I've even written the story. Other times I don't know what it'll be until I write the final sentence. Browse through any women's mag and you might be struck by how cliched they can be. Rocket science it ain't!
Here are a few of my blander ones, all kept by the eds:

Food For Thought - sold to Best
Filthy Rich - sold to Take A Break
Wish Me Luck - sold to Fast Fiction (Aus) & Ireland's Own
Driving Me Crazy - sold to My Weekly & That's Life

Hardly original, huh? But then I've had the more intriguing ones:

An Angel In The Freezer - sold to My Weekly, Ireland's Own and Fast Fiction(Aus)
Can I Smell Ectoplasm? - sold to Fast Fiction(Aus) & Take A Break
Life Without An Undo Button - sold to Woman's Weekly.

So should we spend hours over our titles? My advice (others may disagee) is choose wisely to give it the best possible chance of standing out from the slushpile, but don't beat yourself up about it because eds often change them anyway. And remember, an intriguing title probably raises expectations as to the content. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can wow an ed with a flashy title then follow it up with a bland story.

If you're having touble deciding on a title you might try this random title generator Some will appear plain bonkers, but it is only throwing up random words, after all. Try it, ocassionally it comes up with a corker.

Want something more? Try this plot generator, designed by Cally Taylor.

New Phone

I've been using the kids' cast off phones for the past 5 years or so and was desperate to get something new. I love the iPhone but the monthly contract fee is well out of my pocket-money range. However, came across this today and snapped it up at only £15 per month. For a limited period, it also comes with the 2nd series of Gavin & Stacey installed. Great!

Anagram

I'm not a political beast by any means but between our own political unrest and that going on in Tehran as the presidential candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi released details of a letter sent to the Guardian Council insisting that the results of the election be annulled...I get this sent to me:

When you re-arrange the words ELECTION RESULTS they spell.....LIES - LET'S RECOUNT.

JBWB Summer Comps

Only ten days left to enter the JBWB Summer 2009 Competitions
New this time is the 'chuckle bonus' for poetry entries…

We all need a lift in these depressing times, and this quarter, JBWB will add a £20 bonus to your prize, whether you come first, second or third, if your poem also provides us with the broadest smile, longest chuckle or deepest belly laugh. So consider this when you write, and see if you can add some humour to brighten up our days.

First Prize: £150 - Second Prize: £50 - Third Prize: £25

RULES

The rules are simple and straightforward (no entry form required):

1) All work must be unpublished and should not have been previously submitted to JBWB for critique.

2) Length: 2,500 words maximum (submissions exceeding this length will be disqualified).

3) Closing Date: 30 June 2009.

4) Entry Fee: £4 per entry. Cheques to be made payable to J C Hewitt, please. Or click here to pay by credit card. And remember, if you would like professional constructive feedback on your entry at any time after the competition, fees and further details are listed HERE.

5) Entries should be sent as an email attachment (or in the body of the email itself) to: competitions@jbwb.co.uk. Please confirm in your email that the entry fee is on its way or that you have paid by credit card. Alternatively, send hard copy of your story, plus entry fee, to: 87 Home Orchard, Yate, South Gloucestershire BS37 5XH England. Please note that feedback is not available on hard copy entries, only on entries emailed as a Microsoft Word attachment.

6) The winners and runners-up will be announced by the end of July 2009 and will receive the appropriate prize money. The winning entries will be published on the JBWB website. Further runners-up prizes may be awarded at my discretion. Good luck!

Writing Competitions

If you're interested in submitting your work to writing comps rather than submitting to magazines, you might want to take a look at Sally Quilford's Writing Calendar

It's regularly updated and Sally also has a monthly competition calendar in Writers' Forum Magazine

If entering comps is a new venture for you, Sally can provide you with lots of tips here.

Guardian Short Sory Comp

Thanks to my writing chum, Kath Kilburn, for pointing this one out to me:

The Guardian Short Story Competition

Win the chance to have one of your short stories published in Guardian Weekend's annual summer fiction issue.

Submissions can be on any theme, must be previously unpublished and no longer than 2,000 words.

The judges will be authors William Boyd and Julie Myerson, and the winning story will be printed in Weekend magazine alongside others by established authors. Five runners up will have their stories published on the Guardian books website. .

Send your story by 10 July to Short Stories, Guardian Weekend, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU or short.story@guardian.co.uk. Please include a phone number.

Terms and conditions can be found on their website.

Book Reviews

It's one thing getting rejections for mag stories or even a novel submission but imagine you're a published novelist checking out your ranking on Amazon only to find customers have posted scathing reviews of your book. Working Wonders by Jenny Colgan is a case in point. It scores 3 stars out of the 5 and has some of the most diverse reviews I've seen on Amazon with remarks ranging from 'Exquisite' to 'Downright boring'. Ouch!

When I posted my thoughts on book covers on here, I'd picked out several books from my shelves and realised I hadn't read this one by Jenny even though I've probably had it since it was published in 2003! I've read around 4 of her other books and enjoyed them, so decided Working Wonders would be my read for the week. From the cover I was expecting chick-lit but it's much more. And maybe this is why some of her followers didn't like this one. I'd say it was more mystical escapism. I found it a refreshing change from the high-flying-thirty-something-career girl-looking-for-love type read. I also liked the ordinariness (is that a word?) of the setting - a town planning office in Coventry. I wouldn't hesitate in recommending it. 5 stars, Jenny!

Written from the male protags POV. the plot goes something like this:

Arthur Pendleton has led an unexciting life, working as a town planner and slowly realising that his life holds few surprises. Then he encounters the head of a team of management consultants, the beguiling and beautiful Gwyneth Morgan, a woman Arthur finds himself intimidated by. Her job is to inspire Arthur and his ill-assorted team of planners to take on a daunting task--ensure that Coventry becomes the new European city of culture. Looking around at such colleagues as nerdish computer expert Sven and the unhappy (and long-suffering) Cathy, Arthur becomes increasingly dispirited. And then, astonishingly, Gwyneth shows signs of being attracted to him, and (even more surprisingly) his team begins to fire on all cylinders with ideas. But which is more achievable: beginning a relationship with the intriguing Gwyneth, or making Coventry appear interesting? The elements that made Jenny Colgan's earlier books bestsellers are firmly in place here: quirkily observed characters, capricious plotting and a truly involving sense of the way in which most of us live our lives. Both Arthur and Gwyneth are beautifully drawn, and even if the basic theme (dull hero and brighter heroine in a non-metropolitan culture clash) may owe something to David Lodge's Changing Places, it's none the worse for that; this is an enchanting read. (Taken from Amazon)