The Long And The Short of It

Versatile Blogger Award

2011-05-14T15:07:00.031+01:00

A big thank you to Janice Horton for passing me the Versatile Blogger Award - the rules of acceptance are to tell you seven things about myself that you might not already know. I've had a problem thinking of 7 things that might make me sound vaguely interesting but anyway here goes 7 bits of trivia about me:

1. My first job, aged 14 and a bit (I lied and said I was 16 and the boss never checked) was stacking shelves in a local supermarket two nights a week and all day Saturday for the princely sum of £2 8sh and 6d. Even in the late 60's this was lousy pay! My co-workers and I deliberately damaged packets of biscuits (KitKats were favourite) so we could buy them cheap. Can you blame us?

2. After leaving school I worked for an engineering firm making conveyor belts for the mining industry. What I mean is, I was a secretary there. I wasn't hands-on with tangential chain rollers and integrated pneumatics. My first task was to type out a tender for a million pound contract with British Coal. I only had Stage One RSA in shorthand and typing and it took me half the afternoon. The company didn't get the contract and later went bust. I've definitely used this experience more than once in a short story.

3. I'm related to Willy Shakespeare. Yes, I know it sounds unlikely. Go take it up with Ancestry.com, okay!

4. I can complete a Rubik's cube.

5. I can't spell.

6. This morning I sat down with my laptop to complete a 15 minute test for early signs of dementia....and forgot why I'd opened the laptop. Absolutely true, I swear!

7. I can butcher. Not in the serial killer sense. Husband and I have owned our own business for almost 30 years. The Press had a great time taking the Mick here.

And now I'll pass on the award to seven wonderfully versatile bloggers. Please accept your awards by copying the logo above and listing seven things about yourselves before passing the award on.

And remember, if you want anything spatchcocked, I'm your girl!

Sally Quilford - A View From The Shed
Diane Parkin - Tales of Baggins Bottom
Teresa Ashby - A Likely Story
Alcoholic Daze
Lynne Hackles - I Should Be Writing
Olivia Ryan - Olivia's Place
Rambles From My Chair

Interview with Janice Horton, author of Bagpipes and Bullshot

2011-03-28T13:32:00.040+01:00

Well, folks, here it is as promised - a Q&A interview with my novelist chum, Janice Horton (drum roll, please!)

Janice, your ebook Bagpipes & Bullshot is out on Kindle but until today you’ve been asking people NOT to buy it – is that right?
Yes, you may think it’s a strange tactic, but I wanted to ask those who might consider buying Bagpipes & Bullshot to do so on Friday 1st April (it is priced at £1.38 or $2.24) or to tell other people about it on that particular day through their social networks. It’s very difficult to get a new e-book noticed by potential readers on Amazon unless it features on one or more of Top 100 charts, but because of the way Amazon calculates its sales, just a few consolidated sales on one day can make all the difference in pushing it up through the charts!
I’ll be blogging and tweeting all day on Friday 1st April, so for direction to all of the places I’ll be appearing on my Blog Tour throughout the day please visit my blog.
I’ll also be running a Prize Draw on my blog to win some fantastic Kindle Beach Protectors (an essential and stylish accessory for every Kindle owner - but alternatively you could always use it to protect your camera or phone!) All you have to do to be in with a chance to win one is go to my blog and simply leave a comment or RT one of my tweets on Twitter using the hashtag #bagpipes. (Friday 1st April only).

Tell us a bit more about Bagpipes & Bullshot.
It’s a humorous contemporary novel which twists an everyday love story with a whole cast of village eccentrics into an entertaining play on Scottish rural life. When handsome Scottish Laird Innes Buchanan meets beautiful Texan cowgirl Orley McKenna and brings her over to his impoverished estate in Scotland, it’s for more than her expertise with cattle. But before their romance can properly begin, Orley has to contend with a run-down country mansion, a frosty Lady of the manor, and a vengeful ex-girlfriend who puts Lady Macbeth to the shade. I’ll leave it for the reader to tell me if it’s a love story with elements of humour or a humorous novel with elements of love story!

Where did the idea to write about a Texan cowgirl and a Scottish laird come from?
Well, you may be thinking that in a contemporary novel, a cowgirl and a laird are far removed examples of what it is to be American or Scottish today, and you would be right. However, the premise of the story is about opposites attracting and exploring the emotional, cultural, and geographical differences between two people who come from opposite sides of an ocean. It is intentionally larger than life and that’s what makes it entertaining and fun. I’m told there are many laugh out loud moments in Bagpipes & Bullshot!

Where is your favourite place to write?
Living in Scotland that very much depends on how warm it is: for the past six months, I seem to have been glued to the sofa next to the wood burning stove or sat at the kitchen table in front of the Aga with my laptop. This winter has been a particularly long cold one with weeks of temperatures less than -16 degrees C. Roll on the days where I can once again sit under the shade of the trees and write with the sun shining on the garden and the hills around the cottage. I do, incidentally, have a perfectly good study with a desk, but as I share it with my self-employed husband, somehow sitting there seems more conducive to practical work than creative writing.
I guess I’m happy to write anywhere, as long as I’ve actually got some time to immerse myself in what I’m writing.

Can you tell us something of your work in progress?
Yes, I’m hoping to finish writing my next novel by this summer. It has been a long haul job writing this one - not through lack of enthusiasm on my part but simply through real life distractions. Other commitments have quite rightly taken priority over my writing, but that’s not to say writing will have to take a backseat in future. Reaching for the Stars is the story of a disillusioned celebrity chef, who gives up his hard won accolades - three Golden Stars - and goes into self imposed exile in a castle on a Scottish country estate. The heroine of the tale is a rising star in the culinary world, an ambitious chef determined to be the first woman in the UK to get three Golden Stars. As this novel is set against a backdrop of fine food and steamy kitchens - you can imagine all the fun I had researching this book!

What made you decide to go indie and publish Bagpipes & Bullshot on Kindle?
Two reasons: the first was that having been previously published in paperback by both traditional and self publishing methods, I couldn’t resist the challenge of having a go at e-publishing, especially on Kindle, because distribution and marketing on Amazon are all well established. The second reason was that I unexpectedly fell in love with the Kindle my husband bought me for Christmas and wanted to have my books available for it.

But what about people who don’t have a Kindle? Can they download Bagpipes & Bullshot for their PC, Mac, IPhone, IPad etc?
Yes, absolutely. Go to Amazon and download there. I’ll be forever grateful.

About The Author: Janice Horton lives in Scotland and writes entertaining and humorous contemporary women's fiction novels which are, for the most part, inspired by the romantic beauty of the heather-filled glens around her country cottage. When she’s not writing novels she writes lifestyle articles and has had work published in national magazines and regional newspapers. She’s also been involved in BBC Scotland's ‘Write Here Write Now’ project. Her next novel Reaching For The Stars will be available soon on Kindle.
Her blog can be found here and you can follow her on Twitter
Her website is www.janicehorton.co.uk

Bagpipes & Bullshot Launch and Blog Tour - Friday 1st April 2011

2011-03-28T08:52:00.010+01:00

My lovely writing friend Janice Horton (different spelling so no, not related in case you were wondering) is getting very excited about the launch of her new ebook Bagpipes and Bullshot which:
"Twists an everyday love story into an entertaining play on rural life:it's Monarch of The Glen meets Miss Read!"

And it's available now at the fabulous (fabulous? It's a bargain, Janice!) price of £1.38 or $2.24 but I'm going to ask you NOT to buy it. Why you ask? Well that's because Janice is planning a mini-onslaught on the Kindle mountain of Amazon and she wants you to buy it / blog it / tweet it / and recommend it to all your friends on the official launch day Friday, 1st April 2011!

No Kindle? No problem. You can read the book on your PC, Mac, IPad, IPod or other mobile devices by downloading the free Kindle App.

Watch out for an interview with her right here on the 1st April. Oh, and you'll be able to enter a comp to win a Kindle Beach Protector if you visit her blog on the 1st April. All you have to do to be in the prize draw (which will be independently adjudicated) is leave a comment on HER blog on Friday 1st April or ReTweet one of her Tweets on Twitter with the hashtag #bagpipes.

Payment on acceptance or publication?

2011-02-03T12:46:00.025Z

There's a good topic for conversation going on at womag's blog : should writers receive payment on publication or on acceptance? Personally, I expect to be paid on acceptance...or do I? How many other products or services would you not expect to pay for until you've used it?

Anyway, I can't say a mag's preference for payment has ever influenced who I send my work to. According to comments, Bauer seems to be at the top of folk's list for complaints when it comes to late payment, but I've never been kept waiting too long after publication and maybe it's just me but I quite like wondering whether my 2000 words have been stretched over 4 pages with the accompanying larger fee.
And before you ask, I am not a *hobby writer. I do this for a living...well, hardly a living wage but you know what I mean. I have bills to pay (on time) like most of you.

As for upsetting an editor and being black-listed if I should complain, I doubt this would happen unless I was awfully rude and then I've only myself to blame.

I've been sending to the womags for more than 10 years and have always found editors to be great people, if sometimes haphazard with their slushpile but with tight deadlines and thousands of submissions to plough through each week, you can't blame them for sometimes getting it wrong. On the whole my experience with editors has been a very positive one and I've only come across one (overseas)editor in all that time who I'd gladly slap on the nose with a rolled up copy of her own magazine if I ever met her/him! And no, I ain't spilling!

Or maybe I will....see, she/he bought the first story I ever sent for consideration. Great! A new market for me!
So I sent more over the coming months. I was asked to edit 4 of these stories she/he wanted to buy. Yes, she/he did say 'buy', not 'interested in'. Without question, I did as asked, sent them off quickly and efficiently, then sat back and heard nothing for over 9 mths.

I don't generally like chasing stories as I know if I've heard nothing it's a 'no' but as he/she'd asked for re-writes I emailed and politely asked did she/he approve of my edit? Nothing.

A year later I decided they weren't going to be used after all, so I sent a completely different story for consideration. Again, nothing. And still nothing to this day. Not an acceptance or a rejection. Ever the optimist, I still send stuff. And yes, I do send to the correct email address etc. Maybe my address is in her Spam filter, who knows?

You think there's more to this story? Why would an editor behave in this way? Well, yes, there is a little more. See, I was so frustrated with her/him, I sent my stories a 'Happy Birthday' email at one point BUT WITH a note saying I meant it in fun but obviously he/she has no sense of humour so, yes, editors do black-list you if you get up their nose!

Oh, I just remembered, an American editor once told me I wasn't up to womag writing standard. This after I'd just had my 200th sale. I've blacklisted her!

*Hobby writer - I suspect some will take offence at the term. Feel free to black-list me ;0)

PS. Photo of wad of money used in this article is not indicative of any womag writer's fee. If you know different, please leave me your editor's number.

PPS. If the editor in question recognises herself in this post, I promise not to carry out my threat of physical abuse. Call me. Lets meet for coffee and maybe you can cast your eye over my recent manuscript. You can pay me on publication, I don't mind.

PPPS. (Sorry this will def be the last)
Since writing this post Dianne Parkin ,editor and freelancer, has had her say on the matter and its well worth a view. Thank you Dianne for writing it up.

Festival of Writing

2011-01-14T09:46:00.006Z

Here are a few details about the Festival of Writing at York University 25--27 March.
Sue Moorcroft has blogged about it but the highlights are:

Breaking news:
- US agent Marcy Posner is joining from over the pond and taking one-to-ones
- Writers Workshop will be offering “next steps” free to three
writers at the Festival who are talent spotted. The writers will be
offered a free manuscript critique, free coaching or a free manuscript
appraisal from Harry Bingham.
- Harper Collins Authonomy are supporting Authonomy Live talent
contest on Friday evening, with editor Patrick Janson-Smith on the
panel. Last years winner, Shelley Harris was offered representation by
4 literary agents in the room, and then went on to achieve a 5 figure
book deal.

For more details look on the Festival of Writing website

Queensland Floods

2011-01-12T11:28:00.003Z

You must've seen the terrible newsreels of the Queensland Floods on TV. Horrific, and no doubt they haven't seen the worst of it yet according to the experts. Several lives have been lost already and though not on the scale of some recent disasters (I'm thinking of Haiti here), imagine the heartbreak of losing your home and possessions. Of course, it's easy to sit back and do nothing. You may think 'Oh well, Australia's a wealthy country. They'll recover just fine.' Maybe they are more equipped to deal with the disaster and maybe as we're all feeling the recession pinch we might not want to contribute cold hard cash. Well, there is another way you can help.

100 Stories for Queensland is a charity anthology to assist the victims of the floods. Stories are donated by writers from across the globe and proceeds from the sale of the book will go to the Queensland Premier's Flood Relief appeal.
http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/

The anthology will be available in digital and print form, and is expected to be ready for release late February/early March.

Details of submission guidelines can be found on the website

Enough, already!

2010-12-02T13:22:00.016Z

Are you sick of the snow yet? Have you even got any?
I'm housebound for the 3rd day running. It's at least 3 feet deep here in Worksop (and a lot more where it's drifted) and my wee boots only come over my ankle so I'm not venturing outside.
I have fresh milk and milk powder in the store cupboard and I bake my own bread (ciabatta in the oven as I type) so this, coupled with a freezer stuffed to the gunnels (or should I write gunwales??) with Christmas goodies means I can feed the two of us at least until Easter! Even if it is prawns in filo for every meal.
This is the view from my window yesterday. It's even deeper today!
Normally, I'd treasure the time to get some writing done but nothing's flowing at the moment, so I'm filling my day with other activities like:

Cleaning the house from top to bottom
Clearing out the kitchen cupboards and fridge of last Christmas's now-grossly-out-of-date pickles, ready to re-stock with similar - why do I do that?
Sorting out bedlinen for guests over Christmas
Dressing the mantelpiece with a ribbon garland and reindeer - going for a purple/ jewel theme this year - though I draw the line at putting up the Christmas tree. I'm not that bored!

And talking of the tree, is it only me who goes into a flap each year about where to place it? It ought to go next to the fireplace, but if I do that, it obscures the view from the two-seater sofa to the TV. I mean, it's terribly important that I get to watch Moorecambe & Wise Special and all the Christmas soap episodes without jingle bells and gingerbread snowmen interrupting my pleasure.

Okay, so best move the sofa then...to where exactly? And what about the side table and lamp? That'll have to move too. And all my ornaments displaced by cherubs and Santas?
It would be far easier to put the tree in the corner by the window, opposite the TV Except that space is occupied by Himself's precious Lazyboy recliner and you touch that on pain of death! Seriously, no-one moves the Lazyboy. I think Himself is planning to be buried in it.

But back to the tree, one year I lopped the top bit off it and stuck it on the windowsill but everyone moaned it wasn't a proper Christmas without full bauble overload. And while I'm on the subject...anyone else hate tinsel? I'm all for a bit of glitter and sparkle but I can't stand to see yards of tinsel draped over picture frames and around every door jamb. Especially the skinny sort that looks all crushed and apologetic. We once had a cat who ate some tinsel. Interesting outcome!

Ah well, this post has passed a few minutes. Time for another coffee and a dip into the Cadbury's Heroes tin. I'll leave you with a few more snowy pics.
xx

My patio!

Who buried the car?

Wannabe a Writer We've Heard of?

2010-11-24T14:00:00.022Z

Well, of course, you do. I know I'd like my name to trip off the tongue.

Lady in hair salon: 'Sue Houghton? Isn't she that highly-talented author of mega best-selling novels?'
Stylist: 'Yes. She comes in here you know. So witty and charming'

Um, er, sorry, got a bit carried away there. But, seriously, have you ever thought what happens AFTER you get the call from your agent (agent? What agent?) to inform you of the three-book deal with Publisher & Publisher? Well, if you don't have a clue, then buy Jane Wenham-Jones' Wannabe a Writer We've Heard of, published by Accent Press.

To quote Jill Mansell: 'I really, really recommend this guide. Seriously, it could change your life.'

At over 300 pages, it covers all aspects of what happens after your precious baby takes its first steps into the big, wide scary world. Jane offers tips from what to wear for the book signings/parties to how to cope with 'admirers' slash 'unwanted attention' under a small section entitled 'Nutters and Weirdos'!

Oh and there are tips and anecdotes from other authors. My pearls, for what they're worth (is it really so silly to be this excited that I'm listed in the index?)can be found on pages, 217, 225 and 254!

If you want to buy Wannabe A Writer We've Heard Of?
it's only £3.50 on Amazon with free P&P.
And if you didn't read Jane's first book Wannabe a Writer? then do check it out, too.

My Weekly

2010-11-05T11:50:00.007Z

I got a sale from Maggie Seed at My Weekly yesterday. It's for a story she's been hanging on to for a while. I'd forgotten about it to tell the truth so it was a nice surprise. It'll be going in the 2012 Annual, available next October, I think. Seems a long way off but the good thing about My Weekly is that they pay on acceptance.

I do like the way MW has what they call their 'Inspiration Gem' at the end of the shorts. A simple 25 word note from the author on where the inspiration for the story came from. For some reason I always find this difficult. Probably because I want to waffle on. But anyway,this particular story was inspired by my addiction to watching TV make-over programmes. Which reminds me, I must set the Sky box to record 60 min Make-over this afternoon!

Click the link to buy from Amazon: My Weekly Annual 2011

Wedding Talk

2010-11-05T11:29:00.009Z

Did I mention my daughter and her fiance 'won' their wedding day? It was a radio phone-in competition in association with a well-known hotel chain. It all seemed too marvelous - a free wedding! Trouble is, the hotel doesn't have a registrar's license for a civil wedding, nor can it accommodate 120-plus guests so sadly they've had to turn down the prize. Bit disappointing. And in my opinion, a bit stupid of a hotel to be advertising weddings if they can't come up with the necessaries. Lots of couples want civil ceremonies these days and don't want to be switching between venues.

Anyway, fate being what it is, they've found another and much better hotel in The Sitwell Arms, Renishaw. Unlike the prize venue which was basically an ugly structure more suited to its general use as a conference centre, this place is very traditional with a lake, gardens and orchard. Just perfick!

It's family run and they have a great package deal which includes the cake, photographer, videographer, wedding breakfast, evening buffet, disco and lots of extras besides. There's even 50% off the wedding dress! We met the wedding coordinator the other night and she was very helpful and after sleeping on it, Amy and Tom have fixed a date for January 14th 2012. What with my son's Vegas wedding in October 2011, we can't wait!

That reminds me, Jill Hassall, a writing buddy, has her book out now. Click the link to buy from Amazon.The Greatest Guide to Your Dream Wedding (Greatest Guides)

Halloween

2010-11-03T11:22:00.007Z

Bit late but thought I'd post a few pics of the pumpkins carved by my daughter, Amy. I prepared them by scooping out the flesh and this I made into 3 pumpkin pies (2 with pecans)

and a big bowl of spicy soup. Jacket spuds with chilli completed the Halloween night!

Lazy Blogger

2010-11-03T10:37:00.012Z

Yes, I know, it's been a while since I blogged, but I have an excuse...when I can think one up!
There's been a bit of heartache in our family of late and I think that's mostly to blame for my pathetic output. Weirdly, stress used to spur me on. Made me scribble furiously to put the bad things to the back of my mind but these days I seem to be overwhelmed with thoughts other than of a fictional kind. Once in a while a character will break through the fog and I'll scribble a few lines but that seems to be about all I can manage. This sort of thing has happened before so I'm not too concerned. Crap happens. I'll get over it.

So, now I've got your pity, what else has been happening here? Well, the family had a great weekend in Derbyshire last month. We took a 6 and a 2 berth tent and pitched up on a lovely campsite just outside Hope. The weather report gave showers. Ha! Bring it on!

After a late night walk in pitch darkness, aided by Google for navigation (thank you iPhone) we found a tiny pub crammed with other ramblers. The only seats were on the roof terrace beer garden where we sat watching the stars and giggling ourselves silly over what type of fart gives the best comedic effect!!

Back at the tent we found it slightly flooded but hey-ho all part of the fun. A few bottles of wine, cans of beer and Scotch eggs later we retired to our sleeping bags. Only to be awoken at around 2am by a fox munching on our left-overs! Too tired (drunk) to care we just turned over and slept till morning.

It rained most of that weekend but it didn't stop us exploring Castleton and visiting The Devil's Arse, aka Peak Cavern.

Tom even had a go at rope making.

Great fun and I can't wait until the spring when we can do it all again. But maybe without the rain!

Thinking of the 'C' word

2010-09-07T13:51:00.007+01:00

Hate to mention the 'C' word but the big day is closer than you'd like to think. Already I've seen cards, trees and wrapping paper in the shops and that's before the kids have gone back to school!

Any short story submissions to the womags should've been posted/emailed off in August as they work up to 3 months in advance. I sent two off yesterday because I edited them to suit the winter period and thought better to send on the off-chance than have them languish for another year on my hard-drive. I got an automated reply for one of them and a short 'Thanks for the sub' for the other so I know they arrived safely.

Talking of Christmas, while I was doing some research for my story, I came across this website Called The Literary Gift Company, they have some lovely little gifts to suit your literary friends or relatives. Love this mug. I may buy it for myself. Though maybe it should read 'Go Away I'm Writing'!

A Hat Trick

2010-08-31T15:30:00.008+01:00

I've had three magazine stories in print this past week. One in My Weekly called Will They Love Her More? - a twist in the tale (thank you Liz Smith for my contributor's copy).
The second is a mystery/cosy crime sale to The Weekly News called Caught (thank you Jill Finlay for my copy) and I've one in Fast Fiction, Australia with the same title...as yet no copy but it may be stuck in the post so thanks to Anthony Lambert in advance. I've also had two 'short-listed' replies but I never count on those as they often disappear into the void.

My Weekly like their writers to add a bit about the inspiration behind their story. I always find this difficult for some reason, especially in so few words. I never know whether to go for pithy, tongue-firmly-in-cheek or make some serious statement. Think I went for the latter on this one:

Probably shouldn't have posted my 'Word from the Author' because if you intended reading the story, I've given the twist away. Ah, well!

I've also been busy emailing submissions. Around 8 are whizzing around the world at this moment. If one hits the spot I'll be happy as I need to top up my 'Vegas Wedding Fund'.

What else has been happening? Oh yes, I went with family to watch Toy Story 3 in 3D on Monday. We NEVER usually venture out of the front door on any Bank Holiday - we once spent hours on a motorway only a few miles from home and said that would be the last time.

Anyway, we had a lovely carvery meal first at Treble Bobs pub, then off up the M1 to Cineworld, Sheffield, which on arrival looked like a mistake, especially as the showing was about to begin in 15 mins. BUT we found a parking space by chance and though we queued for about 10 mins for tickets, we got some great seats right in the middle towards the back of the theatre. The film was fun, though I'm already getting unimpressed with 3D.

Right, I'm off for a coffee and a read through my magazine copies.

WORDS WITH JAM

2010-08-25T09:24:00.005+01:00

There's only a few days left to enter this one so get scribbling. Words below courtesy of their website.

Let's keep it simple, eh? We're looking for the best short story of up to 2,500 words. Please note that we are looking for the Best Short Story, not bribes. If you wish to send vast sums of money, tickets for sell-out concerts, rare signed first editions, feel free, but as the stories will be judged anonymously, it won't help you much.

PRIZES
1st Prize - £300
2nd Prize - £100
3rd Prize - £50

CLOSING DATE
31st August 2010, 12pm GMT

RESULTS
All three winning entries will be published in the December 2010 issue of Words with JAM.

ENTRY FEE
£6 for one entry, £10 for two.

JUDGE
Sue Moorcroft will be selecting our three winners from this year's shortlist. Sue writes short stories, serials and novels – her third novel, Starting Over, was published in November 2009, with All That Mullarkey to follow on 1 June 2010. She’s both editor of and contributor to Loves Me, Loves Me Not, a short story anthology celebrating the Romantic Novelists’ Association’s 50th Anniversary.

Also a creative writing tutor, Sue’s first ‘how to’ book, Love Writing – How to Make Money Writing Romantic or Erotic Fiction, was published in January.

www.suemoorcroft.com
http://suemoorcroft.wordpress.com for news and writing tips

ENTRY
Please CLICK HERE for information on how to enter.

REMINDER?
To receive our FREE PDF e-zine, plus a reminder of the competition closing date nearer the time, CLICK HERE to sign up.

National Short Story Week

2010-08-14T15:58:00.009+01:00

National Short Story Week is an annual awareness event. Its aim is to focus the attentions of the public and the media on the short story and short story writers, publishers and events. It is intended as a framework for promoting literary events and publications at a national and local level.

It's aims are:

1) to get more people reading and listening to short stories

2) to get more people writing short stories

3) to develop creative and commercial opportunities for individuals and organisations involved in the short story form.

The website is very informative with lots of stuff to listen to, download etc. and loads of opportunities to get involved. Patron is the lovely Katie Fforde. Read what she has to say here.

Not a lot changes.

2010-08-14T11:47:00.008+01:00

Out of interest I looked back to see when I began this blog - Tuesday, October 3rd 2006. That's almost 4 years, with a lean bit around the beginning of 2008 when Google, for whatever reason, locked me out of my account.

My first ever post had the title Life Of Riley (scroll to bottom of page the link takes you to) and listed all the things I'd done that morning. You know, like chores and stuff.

How boring am I? I realise I've done exactly the same things this morning, the only difference being it's a Saturday and there wasn't an incidence at the supermarket checkout where I wanted to punch someone's lights out - though I did visit Tesco. Oh and as it's a Saturday the roads weren't blocked with school traffic. So, a little bit of variation on the morning but not a lot as Paul Daniels would say.

If you bothered to click on the PD link you'll know he too has a blog. I had a snigger at the comment he made about the Lovely Debbie McGee having her bottom fixed - he's referring to the boat they own and not his wife! Well, it amused me.

It's All Greek To Me

2010-08-11T18:28:00.011+01:00

I'm taking part in Sally Quilford's Blog Take Over Day again this year so here goes. Hope you enjoy!

A passport craves a bit of adventure.

Yes, I admit it, I am still smarting from being abandoned in that poncey Greek taverna, so no, since you ask, I am not in the right frame of mind to hear my owner is planning the next holiday debacle.

You know, there was a time I had my life planned out. The first ten years, anyway. The Caribbean, the Maldives, Goa. All inclusive, of course. Drinks package, the whole caboodle. But what do I get? Two-star self-catering in the same shit-hole for the past three years because milady here has a thing for a certain Greek waiter. Trollop!

Hello, what’s she up to now? On the phone to her sister wanting to know the meaning of ‘moral turpitude’. From what I can make out she’s filling in some on-line form. Something about a visa.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the Greek incident now. Takes me right back to this time last year. She’d been on the retsina since she’d packed her suitcase and was still knocking them back on the plane - cheap seats. Last Minute dot crap.

We’d flown a day earlier than planned and she’d gone straight to the taverna to surprise Mr Greek. She did that all right. Caught him with his bread stick in another woman’s pastitsio. Get the picture?

Well, she picks up the pepper mill and lays him out cold. Next thing, she’s being escorted out to a taxi by some guy who’d been sitting at the bar (American - all loose tie and rolled up sleeves) and taken back to the airport. Somehow, in the kafuffle, I’ve fallen out of her handbag and become wedged under the dessert trolley alongside a stray olive.

I swear I can still smell garlic when she flicks through my pages and there’s a nasty stain on my faux leather case. That’s another thing...faux. Every passport I know has the real thing, though my preference would be for a nice Cath Kidston; the Provence rose one. Now that’s class. But no, Slack Alice here wobbled between fake Burberry and faux leather. Pink, faux leather. But I digress. The important thing, I suppose, is that the young chap who’d come to her rescue returned to look for me. For whatever reason, probably so she could refund him the taxi fare, young chap had given her his phone number and she’d called him from the airport when she realised I was missing.

Several hours later, we're back home, the suitcase is stashed under the spare bed, I’m back in the shoebox at the bottom of her wardrobe and she’s sobbing down the phone. No doubt to Mr Greek though it’s difficult to hear when you’re wedged under a pair of gladiator strappies.

Anyway, this goes on for months which brings us to the here and now. I’m lying on the desk with my spine crushed to buggery while she’s singing away to herself and tapping away on the computer. Then the phone rings and she’s on it like a German on a sunlounger.

Yes, she’s telling caller, she’s sorted out the visa. She can’t wait to see him again. And his ranch. Ranch? Fly first class? America? Max? Who’s Max? Of course! The guy who came to her rescue in Greece! He's the one she's been speaking to on the phone all along.

This passport is bound for Vegas, baby!

Whose point of view?

2010-08-11T08:45:00.008+01:00

My fourth novel was originally written from a male viewpoint because it was the hero's story I wanted to tell, but maybe more so because it felt comfortable that way. A few chapters in I posted it on a well-known critique site. I received some useful feedback but was advised that I'd do better to swap to a female POV as that's what women readers preferred. Did they?

Anyway, I took this advise on board and my heroine, Roisin Connor, was born. Now, I love her to bits but I often wonder how the book would've turned out if I'd told Lex's story instead.

I was thinking about this when I came across an interview with Sue Moorcroft on the Singles Titles website. Her two novels Starting Over and All That Mullarkey, published by Choc Lit, both feature the hero's pov. Luckily, she has a male friend who can read her chapters to double check if her hero is thinking like a man. Particularly liked the line about 'lifting hems'. To see what I mean, read Sue's interview here.

Why Can't I get Published in the Womags?

2010-08-10T21:22:00.009+01:00

Well, this is weird, I update my website and blog as I've been doing for the past 4 years but for the first time I announce it on Facebook and it generates quite a few questions from wannabe womaggers. Most wanted to know:

How come I can't get published in the Women's mags?

There must be a thousand and one answers to that one but I'll save time by cutting and pasting my answers from my archives. I doubt anything has changed!
Here goes...

First off, it probably has nothing to do with how well you write. And I trust you CAN write well before you attempt publication.
No amount of literary prose will impress a magazine editor unless it's what she/he is looking for. It must 'fit' his/her magazine (look I'm sick of being PC and writing 'his/her' so in future it's 'her' okay?).

I've seen some beautiful writing by folk with far greater experience and literary talent than I have, yet they can't sell to the womags. So, what are the womag editors looking for?

'I'll know it when I see it', is their usual response. I think they go as much with gut instinct as anything. But, they are experts at it and let's not forget their jobs rely on them getting it right. Their sales prove they know exactly what pleases their readership.

So how do we please them?

* Your story has to be a satisfying read - a hook at the beginning, no saggy middle and you must tie up all the loose ends at the finish. A reader should go 'Ahhh' at the close, not 'What the f***?'

* The characters must be well-drawn, the sort their readership would recognise and identify with. You don't find many tattooed bikers living with unmarried mums in The People's Friend, or wool shop owners wearing Tweed (the cloth or the perfume take yer pick) in Take A Break...see what I mean?

* Your character must come up against a problem which she resolves in a satisfying and believable way. The solution must be something she works through, not a sudden 'cavalry coming over the hill' type of closure. Remember Bobby Ewing waking up in the shower in Dallas? That's the type of thing I mean.

* And this is the hardest criteria to meet...it must be something an ed hasn't seen before. Something original. Or at least a different 'take' on an old plot.

So, you've made sure your story meets all the above requirements and still you can't get an acceptance? Then there's always the other reasons for non-acceptance...

* It was the right story at the wrong time. Magazines plan about 4 mths ahead. Don't send a summer holiday story out in August. Likewise don't send a Christmas one out in November.

* The ed loves your story but she needed a 1000 word piece and you sent in 2000 and there isn't time to ask you to cut it, so she chooses the next in the slushpile and you get a rejection...or if you're very lucky you go onto a short-list for next time there's a need for 1000 words. Except this short-list tends to be a very long short-list in most magazine offices. My advice is to re-send any short-listeds after 6 months.

* The story was well-written with great characters and a smashing ending BUT the editor regrets she took something similar last week.

* The editor has bought far too many recently - enough for another six months. They have a budget tighter than a camel's bottom believe me! Make a note of when the editor said she's ready for more subs and re-send when the time is up. But be quick, every other writer will do the same.

I'm sure there're a dozen other reasons and any editors reading this blog might like to chip in.

Conclusion: If you know you can write, don't take a rejection to mean your story is unsaleable. Try a different mag. One with similar guidelines, obviously, unless you're prepared to edit to fit, which a writer with a professional approach will almost certainly do.

PS Apologies to any wool shop owners(my friend Kath)who wouldn't be seen dead in anything tweed.

ESTA

2010-08-10T10:53:00.006+01:00

I've spent a few minutes applying for our ESTA's or Electronic System Travel Authorisation forms which replace the Visa waiver form you used to fill in on the aircraft before landing in the US. Application can only be done online so if you don't have a PC or a friend able to fill in the form for you, its tough luck! They're valid for 2 years and free until Sept 9th then they'll cost £9 after that. Think I've got that right.
Loved some of the questions on the form - like anyone's going to tick the 'yes' box!

B) Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or have been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more; or have been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
C) Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

My application went straight through while Himself's is 'pending further investigation'. If he disappears suddenly I'll know the FBI have caught up with his criminal moral turpitude!

PS. Beware of scam websites that are not only virus-ridden but are asking for around $50 for the application.
See Martin Lewis, the Money Saving Expert's website for more detailed info

Mid-week Wanderlust

2010-08-08T10:19:00.022+01:00

We, that's Himself, my daughter Amy and her fiance Tom, drove out to the Peak District last week. We haven't been that out way since we moved from Sheffield when it used to be a regular thing to just hop off up into the hills. I don't know why we stopped going as it's only 30 miles away from Worksop where we live now. Anyway, I'm glad we went because I'd forgotten how beautiful it is. Helped by the fact we had good weather. I have memories of horrible, biting rain and clouds so low you couldn't see the top of Mam Tor.

There was a bit of mizzle on the way to the Blue John Cavern but the sun came out later on as we descended into Castleton.

This is a pic of me and Himself, completely inappropriately dressed for a trip 300 metres underground but my excuse is we'd only intended to visit Castleton (pub lunch) and I'm allergic to fleece.

After we came out of the cavern (exhausted after climbing 400-plus slippery steps - and note to cavern owners: Please sort out your disgustingly-smelly toilets they smell worse than the sheep!)we drove down into the valley. The scenery is absolutely stunning.

We stopped in Castleton for a pub lunch at The Castle where the service was extremely slow but the food was worth the wait. Real food, if you know what I mean. None of that freezer to microwave rubbish as proven by the caterpillar on Amy's tastefully-arranged vegetables! But we forgave them because we were having such a jolly time. See, I'd never use the word 'jolly' EVER, but that was how the day made me feel, jolly!

There's a Norman church in Castleton and anyone who knows me will guess I spent a happy hour there snapping away. I don't find these places eerie or feel the need to tread carefully around the graves. Why place a magnificent headstone dedicated to your loved ones if you don't want folk to gawp? I find them fascinating and more than once have I written a story based around a headstone. Like this one.

Who were these children? Why did they die so young and one after the other? Why the memorial (obviously not a poor family)and why were they later interred in Mount Jerome Cemetery, Dublin? What is the story behind it? I've done a bit of digging n the Net but so far I haven't come up with anything. No doubt if I'd gone into the church at the time and asked they'd have had some info but our little group wanted to be off to the Lady Bower reservoir.

Derwent Reservoir was next on our list. We found a large picnic area, sat on a bench, ate crisps, drank cola and ducked (why?) as a military helicopter flew over the treetops right above our heads.

We followed the A57 across Derwent viaduct and headed back home making a detour to a Nottingham shopping mall to pick up a 6 berth tent and fleece clothing for any further wanderings into the dales. In fact, Amy & Tom christened the tent this weekend. They are, as I type, camped in a farmer's field with 6 of their mates. And I'm jealous!

PS. I also got a great snap I'm going to send to My Weekly or maybe The People's Friend for their readers page. I earned £50 for My Weekly's star letter last month so not to be sniffed at!

Cupcakes!

2010-07-30T11:53:00.015+01:00

Cupcakes instead of a traditional wedding cake? No problem, I can make those! How difficult can it be?

Trial run this morning:

1. Go to Sainsbury's to buy 2 dozen ready-made fairy cakes. Of course I'll make everything from scratch for the big day but this is about practising the decorating, isn't it?
2. Return home only to discover (Dur!)I forgot the butter for the icing.
3. Try corner shop but the only stock salted - need unsalted so reluctantly go back to Sainsbury's. No trolleys and only checkout available is the self-checkout ones I avoid at all costs. Nice assistant offers to do it for me...er, self checkout?
4. Back at my car, realise I forgot the butter so go back and while I'm at it, pick up disposable icing bags (on special offer), sugar strands, mini-marshmallows, choc sprinkles, and some aspirin for the headache.
5. Get home to find I already have all of the above in my cupboard but never mind, if I'm going to be making 120 cupcakes for daughter's wedding, I'll need them.
6. Getting icing to correct consistency proves difficult and maybe I've used too much red food colouring.
7. Start again.
8. Knock over food colouring
9. Spill sugar sprinkles trying to catch food colouring.
10. I can't do this
11. Why did I ever begin this?
12. Can we buy them in instead?
13. What's wrong with a traditional wedding cake anyway?

Eventually, out of the 2 dozen fairy cakes, I end up with 14 only-slightly-wonky cupcakes.
FROM THIS...

TO THIS...

Famous Five gets a make-over

2010-07-25T11:48:00.009+01:00

Should dated language be edited for a new generation of readers? Alison Flood, a writer on guardian.co.uk/books and former news editor of The Bookseller, poses the question here.

Quick Update

2010-07-07T09:20:00.007+01:00

Still a lot of angsty stuff going on in my life - or rather in the life of those around me - which means I spend less and less time updating blogs and doing any writing in general. Strange thing is I'm not missing it. Perhaps I needed a break from it, who knows. But, I still keep sending stuff out. Not new stuff, but stories that I've been unable to sell, or ones whose contract has ended with a particular mag and can now be tried overseas.

Anyway, after a day's editing and re-jigging, I got 2 sales last week. 1 to The Weekly News and the other to That's Life!Fast Fiction, Aus. Both are twist in the tales with a ghostly influence.

What else's been happening? Oh, crikey, almost forgot (how did I forget the most important thing that's happened here? I told you my head was all over the place) my daughter, Amy has got engaged to her boyfriend, Tom. He proposed on 4th July at the top of the London Eye. And he went down on one knee, hence the reason he looks a bit short in this photo when actually he's around 6'7"!

Note the guy in the background oblivious to this momentous occassion. Apart from Amy's brother, Russ, and his fiancee, Maria (who were in on the surprise)there were some American tourists in the pod, none of whom said a word. Amy had a fit of the giggles and had to be reminded that she needed to reply to Tom's question of 'Will you marry me'. She said, 'Yes'. No date set as yet. Russ and Maria get married in Vegas next year so you never know, maybe there'll be a double wedding! There again, I have 2 other sons who might join the Betrothed Club. Gawd, 4 weddings...gasp!

Slush Pile Hell

2010-06-18T15:18:00.004+01:00

Thought I'd pass on this link to Slush Pile Hell. Much mirth reading the query letters from wannabe authors!

Literature Map

2010-06-02T16:34:00.009+01:00

Ever finished a book from favourite author and can't find another of theirs you haven't read? (Sorry, clunky sentence!) If so, try www.literature-map.com
Simply put the name of your fave author in the box, press search and it'll bring up names of authors who write in a similar fashion.

And because I can't find a suitable picture to make this post more interesting, here's a pic of Vic and Bob, my goldfish, instead. No relevance whatsoever, but they've cheered me up on what has been a frightful couple of weeks! Don't ask!

And, yes, I know it's not a very clear photo but you try getting fish to look at the camera!

The Anatomy Of A Book Cover

2010-05-18T10:25:00.005+01:00

Don't judge a book by it's cover? Are you kidding? The cover needs to tell almost as much of the story as the text does.
Best selling author Elizabeth Chadwick shares her insight in the process of creating a cover here

Elizabeth Chadwick website

Just For Fun

2010-05-17T13:15:00.006+01:00

I've been neglecting my blogging duties but there's been so much domestic stuff going on here that I've not felt up to it. Apologies.

I don't know about you but when I'm feeling I'll never write again, a quick jaunt to my writing pals' websites/blogs to see what they're up to usually lifts the brain fog and stirs me into scribbling.

Which brings me to those story generator thingamabobs. I've used them before with a few results so thought I'd try the one on Val McDermid's site. Glad I did because not only did it give me a giggle (death by custard pie? Sounds mad but you had to be there!)but it started the old cogs churning and I think I now have the bones of a crime story. So thanks for that Val!

Try it for yourself here

Pig Baby Weekend

2010-04-27T15:07:00.006+01:00

If any of you live down in East Sussex, here's something for you:
Pig Baby Weekend - is a fantastic weekend of poetry, short stories and literary fun in the Sussex countryside at Beechwood Hall, Cooksbridge, Near Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 3QG.

Good Vibrations

2010-04-27T13:01:00.004+01:00

Spring has sprung, summer's just around the corner so in anticipation I spent yesterday evening changing my wardrobe around. By that I mean storing away the coats, scarves and boots etc that kept me cosy throughout one of the coldest winters I can remember and replacing them with cool linen trousers and summery tops that I'd stuffed un-ironed in a drawer after last year's holiday.

Happily I've dropped a dress size or two since last September but as we don't have a holiday planned for this year (new central heating boiler ate our spends) I'm not going to buy too many new clothes. I should be able to pull in the waistband drawstrings and add a belt to any baggy tops. If I look like a badly stuffed cushion, so be it!

There is one thing I am spending money on, however. After lots of research, I've bought a power plate exerciser from the shopping channel. The hope is I can tone up the dinner lady arms and get the rest of this old bod in shape, because losing the weight's one thing, tightening the flab to fit neatly back on the bones is another!

Surprisingly, Himself didn't remind me that the cross-trainer, air-walker and sit-up ball I owned all ended up on eBay or that there's still a training-bench in the cupboard under the stairs and several dumb bells clattering about under the spare bed.

Anyway, my Vibrapower Max Trainer with *6 free bottles of Bio Energy Fitness Water arrived this morning. I was at home but didn't hear the courier knock. Luckily I saw him pulling away in his van and eager not to miss my delivery slot, ran to flag him down. He'd left it somewhere safe, he shouted. In the wheelie bin! Luckily the blue one (paper only) and not the green bin (household waste) or I would've been scraping last night's curry off it.

So, after lots of puffing to get the thing inside, more puffing and cussing putting it together, I got my first go at power plate exercise. Seriously, I can't begin to describe what it's like to stand/squat/perch/lean and lunge on a rubber mat that's being vibrated/oscillated at over 35-50 times per second. Thank heavens each routine is only for 3 sets of 3 mins per session, every other day. And hey, it doesn't involve breathlessness or sweating...amazing!

It promises a host of benefits, ranging from an immediate improvement in blood circulation, to a variety of other measurable outcomes such as increased muscle strength and flexibility, improved range of motion, decreased cellulite (woop, woop), increased bone mineral density and reduced arthritic pain. I think they omitted to mention it can loosen teeth, too!

I'm not expecting miracles and nor am I fooled into thinking *Bio Energy Fitness Drink is anything but sweetened water, but I'm giving it a go. Who knows, It might rattle my brain cells enough to let a few story ideas fall out.

Epilogues

2010-04-26T12:56:00.008+01:00

Pop over to Sue Moorcroft's blog for some wise words on epilogues.

The last few books I've read (currently half-way through and loving Number Ten by Sue Townsend) there's been a prologue and an epilogue. My own novel has both, though they're quite short.

I wish I could recall which agent it was who said he liked neither and most agents he knew felt the same. Bit of a sweeping statement and probably just a passing trend as with all things literary. Anyway, whatever the current trend, I'm sticking with mine. One agent I sent my novel to remarked that he liked my epilogue and the fact that it's title is 'The Beginning'. Pity he didn't like the preceeding 300 odd pages as much!

RIP Alan Sillitoe

2010-04-25T14:48:00.005+01:00

Sad to hear the news that Nottingham-born novelist Alan Sillitoe has died aged 82 in Charing Cross Hospital. His novels marked him out as one of the Angry Young Men of British fiction.

Saturday Night And Sunday Morning was made into a successful film starring Albert Finney after the novel was published in 1958. Then came The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner starring Tom Courteney. Both films were seen as classic examples of kitchen sink dramas reflecting the reality of life in Britain.

He also published several volumes of poetry, children's books and plays.

A Million Womag Writers

2010-04-25T13:52:00.012+01:00

Amanda Brittany has started to compile a list of womag writers on her blog. Boy does she have her work cut out! There must be thousands of us out there, all scribbling away hoping to please an editor. Which got me to thinking about when I first started out submitting back in 2001.

A sub to People's Friend would take approx a week to 10 days for a yay or nay answer. A sub to Woman's Weekly or My Weekly maybe three to four weeks. Take A Break usually got back to me within 4 to 5 weeks, 6 at the most. How times have changed!

The People's Friend still remains the quickest, with all the other mags taking up to 6 months and in some cases over a year for a decision. That's if they bother to answer at all. Increasingly, some are adopting the 'if you don't hear from us assume it's a rejection' attitude, which I find irksome (a bloody liberty). Yes, I know you're busy but how difficult would it be to hit the reply button on an email? If any editors who've adopted this stance are reading this then...um...ignore my comments - I don't want to be black-listed! Which, I suppose is exactly why they get away with it.

My pet hate is editors who don't EVER get in touch. Not even to say 'Stop sending me your pathetic drivel'. A certain overseas mag editor hasn't replied to me in years, though she accepted the first thing I ever sent her so she must like my writing. Maybe I should take it as a sign she's not interested but until she actually says so I'll keep sending. No, I wont get tired and disheartened, Missy. I'm made of sterner stuff! You don't get rid of me that easily.

Maybe she needs to take a leaf out of Fast Fiction Oz who have an automated reply system to acknowledge receipt of a submission which I think is a brilliant idea - but even that's hit and miss, especially following their (frequent) editor changes.

The nice people at My Weekly generally send a brief 'Got it, Sue' email as does Woman's Weekly. They may then take months and months to give a definitive answer, but at least I'm not left wondering if it ever arrived in their in-box.

But then never having been an editor I can't imagine what it must be like to open my in-box on a Monday morning to find it crammed to busting point with submissions. And not all of publishable quality at that!

Rowan Coleman's short story Comp

2010-04-23T16:34:00.008+01:00

There's a great short story competition being run by Rowan Coleman
Rowan worked in bookselling and publishing for seven years before entering and winning Company Magazine Young Writer of the Year Competition in 2001. Since then Rowan has written eight novels for adults and six for teens.

All you have to do is write a 1000 word (approx)story on the theme of starting over.

There're some fabulous prizes to be won.

FIRST PRIZE: 3 months creative writing online mentoring from Rowan Coleman, Tea and Cakes at Random House Publishing with Arrow Publishing Director Kate Elton and Rowan Coleman, a letter of introduction and agent feedback from David Higham Associates, £100 to spend on Random House books, your story to be published on Rowan Coleman's blog/website and a signed copy of THE HAPPY HOME FOR BROKEN HEARTS.

SECOND PRIZE: 1 months creative writing online mentoring from Rowan Coleman, £50 book vouchers to spend on Random House books and the story to be posted on my blog and a signed copy of THE HAPPY HOME FOR BROKEN HEARTS. THIRD PRIZE: £25 Worth of vouchers to spend on Random House books and the story to be posted on my website and a signed copy of THE HAPPY HOME FOR BROKEN HEARTS.

All the details and guidelines for submission are on her blog.

I'm in the My Weekly Spring Special

2010-04-22T12:24:00.005+01:00

Woop, woop! It's a super issue, too. 15 stories in all, some from my writing friends and a couple I don't know but am sure to come across at some time. Congratulations to all. Teresa, if you're reading this, I loved your story!
I always like My Weekly and Woman's Weekly's illustrations. The one accompanying mine has the Colosseum in the background (of course, because it's set in Italy)and a woman pointing at a Roman gladiator - though to me he looks oddly like a Viking with his flowing locks and beardy thing going on.

Not sure about my little author box comment. I always find them so difficult for some reason. And other writers' sound so much more interesting. This time, I had to supply a few words on my favourite flower and I don't really have one to be honest so I wrote that I like sweet William because when I smell them I know summer's not long in coming. Wish I could smell them now, because though the suns out here in Notts, it's blummin' chilly still. Hopefully, it's going to get up to 18 degrees at the weekend so I might save reading the rest of the stories until then when I'll sit out in the garden, swaying in my hammock, sipping a glass of pinot...I can dream can't I?

I'm currently putting a pitch together for a 3 part serial aimed at My Weekly. I've yet to be successful with a serial. They usually come back with 'We've carried a similar subject before'. Well, this one has a fairground as the backdrop. It's a mystery with a touch of romance and a splash of humour. Still only got a working title and I've only written the first episode and first episode synopsis which I might send off today. Then if I get a rejection, I haven't wasted my time. Not that one word will be wasted, I'll probably finish it at some point, but where can you place a 9000 word womag type story these days?

Jacqui Bennett Writers Bureau comps

2010-04-15T16:56:00.006+01:00

Thought you might like the details of the new JBWB SUMMER 2010 COMPETITIONS

including the poetry comp.

There's also the NEW 'chuckle bonus' for poetry entries. As Jenny says:

We all need a lift in these depressing times, and this quarter, JBWB will add a £20 bonus to your prize, whether you come first, second or third, if your poem also provides us with the broadest smile, longest chuckle or deepest belly laugh. So consider this when you write, and see if you can add some humour to brighten up our days...

The latest competition prize-winning stories and poems can be found here and here

I know I haven't been blogging of late but there's been so much domestic stuff going on I've neglected to update. I'll be back soon....as soon as I've got my latest attempt at a serial off to My Weekly!

The Lady

2010-03-17T17:03:00.007Z

Just a reminder to watch Cutting Edge tomorrow at 9.00 pm, The Lady and the Revamp,a documentary about changes to the mag. Might pick up a few tips.

First Page Promises

2010-02-26T10:50:00.009Z

I wonder how much of a short story submission an editor actually reads. My guess is she (I only know of 2 male eds at the womags so I'll call her 'she') will speed read the first paragraph and decide immediately whether it's worth another five minutes of her precious time. I could be wrong, of course, but judging by the amount of rejections I've had this month I'd say I've been failing in what Sarah Duncan calls The First Page Promises - the need to grab a reader's attention as soon as possible with the promise they're in for a treat if they carry on.

In a short story I'd call it First Paragraph Promise or maybe even First Sentence Promise incorporating the who, what, why, where elements.

Here's an example taken from one of my shorts (Killing Doc Latimer) published in Woman's Weekly 2005:

Louise twirled spaghetti around her fork, unaware she was firing specks of sauce over her T shirt.
"Want to hear a confession?" I said.
She stopped twirling and gave me a hapless look. "Don't tell me anything that has to stay a secret, Donna. I won't mean to let the cat out of the bag but you know me and my loose lips."
"Relax. It'll be general knowledge by the weekend, anyway." I took a deep breath. "Thing is...I've killed Doctor Latimer."

Now I'm not saying the above is perfect but those few lines plunge you straight into the action. You get a sense of place, time and an insight into the characters and their relationship. Hopefully, you'll be intrigued to know why Donna's killed her GP and why she seems not to care too much if it becomes general knowledge.

Unless you're completely new to writing you'll be bored by now so I'll impart some more family news: My eldest son, Russ, has announced his engagement to Maria. The'll marry next year....in Las Vegas! I need to sell an awful lot of stories to get me to Vegas, so I'd better stop blogging and do some serious scribbling.

x

New Writers Forum Judge

2010-02-14T13:27:00.005Z

Just a quick post to let you know that the lovely Sue Moorcroft has taken over judging the Writers’ Forum fiction competitions, which means that along with Jan Jones she'll be providing the optional critiques.

Serial writing

2010-02-07T15:51:00.005Z

I've tried a couple of times to crack this market but the nearest I got was a reply saying they'd have been interested if they hadn't published something similar. Typical of me to have missed the boat!

You can find a few wise words and guidelines on serial writing for the women's mags on Sue Moorcroft's blog.

Sue is a creative writing tutor for the London School of Journalism, Writers’ News Home Study and University of Leicester and as well as serials, has sold hundreds of stories to the womags.

The most important bit of advice is DON'T write the whole thing first. Just send in a proposal or a brief synopsis and maybe the first few thousand words. That way if they've run something similar, you wont have wasted weeks of work.

If the editor wants to proceed, they'll usually ask for the first installment. Be prepared for a long haul, especially where People's Friend is concerned. A full serial can take up to a year or more to get every installment accepted (they do like to give some input into the plot)and then may not be published for a couple of years after that. The good news is you can sell the thing again as a novella (or as a novel if you can expand it to around 80,000 plus words). There's also the large print market to consider.

Take a Break

2010-02-05T10:27:00.005Z

I popped into my newsagents this morning to get my copy of TAB and as I usually do whilst standing in the checkout queue, I turned straight to the back pages looking for the author of this week's fiction.
Imagine my shock to see (or rather NOT see) any fiction anywhere. Now, granted, I've sold very few to the weekly over the years but this is one of the best paying markets at £400 for around 800 words. Is it a one-off? Has anyone heard gossip? Is it a cost saving thing? Will there be an empty promise to bring it back if their readers object? Let's face it, their fiction writers are the only ones likely to put pen to paper so I'm not optimistic. Sigh! Another one bites the dust.

My Weekly annual

2010-01-19T20:12:00.011Z

Got an email today from Margaret Street of My Weekly to say she's buying the two stories I sent to her last month. One will go in the weekly magazine and the other will go into the 2012 hardback annual. I'm so thrilled because though I've sold a few to them I've never made it into the annual. Yes, I know 2 years is a long time to wait but at least they pay (if not a great deal) on acceptance.

And I was tickled pink to read this on their website:

The My Weekly Annual has been given a modern makeover with a brand new, bright and colourful look. New and enthralling stories from much–loved My Weekly writers, such as Marian Keyes, will touch and inspire, and provide an absorbing read for fiction fans everywhere.

Oops, no, I don't mean I now consider myself a 'much-loved writer', it's the thought I could be in the same book as my favourite author, Marian Keyes. Oh, joy!

Thaw!

2010-01-15T12:39:00.007Z

At last it appears we have a thaw. Snow is pretty to look at but the novelty soon wears off doesn't it?

A normal working morning sees me driving to a nearby bakery to collect morning goods (that's bread and lovely fresh-baked om-noms to you) to sell in our shop. Getting stuck in heavy rush hour traffic on the Mansfield/Chesterfield roads is bad at the best of times but add black ice and snow storms to the mix and you're talking F-E-A-R!

'Don't hit the brakes if the car goes into a skid', is the advice. I'm sorry but when the car did that Bambi thing on the by-pass and I was hurtling towards a Wilkinson's juggernaut, I can tell you, I stomped on those brakes for all I was worth! Luckily, I gained control, but that was me done! No more trips until a thaw set in. If I want a white knuckle ride I'll hop over to Alton Towers, thank you very gladly!

This morning was the first time I'd ventured out for over a week. The roads were as busy as ever but at least free-flowing with no ice or drifts.

Compared to what's going on in Haiti, I shouldn't complain.

P.S In case you were wondering 'om-noms' - made famous by Sesame St Cookie Monster are an onomatopoeical adjective based on the sound emitted when something is "oh so tasty" (either through hunger or flavorological value) that one gnaws through it without regard to cleanliness or etiquette. This sort of ravenous eating will often result in an "om nom nom nom" noise being emitted from the eater.

The Lady

2010-01-13T12:45:00.005Z

Anyone catch the new editor, Rachel Johnson (author of The Mummy Diaries...and Boris Johnson's sister), being interviewed this morning? She's the 9th in their 124 year history.

They're vamping up the mag but seems fiction has been dropped. She didn't say as much but I managed to get hold of a few recent issues and fiction was absent. I only ever sold them one story and that was a while ago. I admit I didn't especially target them as the pay wasn't that great, but still we can't afford to lose another outlet.

I got a rejection today from Norah at Take A Break. Funnily enough I'd chased a couple of submissions sent before this one (August)last week and hadn't heard anything back. No doubt my letterbox will be flapping again tomorrow with more rejects.

I'm Back

2010-01-06T13:51:00.015Z

Not that I've been anywhere. My Broadband connection threw a wobbly shortly before Christmas. Sky said it was an internal fault with our wiring, then the router took the blame, then BT said it was an error at the exchange. You know how it goes. Anyway, think I can safely say it's sorted and still we don't really know what the problem was. I do know it cost us - new wires, even new telephones. They did need changing I must admit.

So, what have I been up to? Well, we had a great Christmas get-together with the family. Played the Cranium Wow board game. Brilliant game! Even my 80 year old dad joined in. Here he is acting out his clue - 'auctioneer'!

Even funnier was Mum acting out a cat walk model using Dad as the model!

Below is some of the family ever so slightly intoxicated at this stage ;0)

New Year's Eve was rather dull in comparison. The kids all had their own parties to go to so Himself and I sat on the sofa and munched our way through a tin of Roses. Is it me or have they changed the assortment? Where was the coffee creme? And the toffee penny. Or are those from Quality Street? Dur!

Can't believe it's all over for another year. Back to getting some fiction written. I started something yesterday but my heart wasn't in it. Got a few more ideas but nothing that's begging to be written.

I've sent an email chasing a submission I sent to Take A Break back at the beginning of August. Norah can take up to 16 weeks sometimes but I've spoken to a couple of other writers who also sent July/Aug and they haven't heard either so maybe a batch simply disappeared behind the office gin cupboard...erm I mean photocopier. Or maybe they're lost in the post. Or an office junior neglected to let us know they were declined - so much nicer word than 'rejected' don't you agree! Either way, I need to know so I can send them elsewhere. Possibly with a tweak they can go to Woman's Weekly. There's also the possibility she's saving it for a future issue but I doubt it.

I'll leave you with a pic of my patio taken yesterday. It's stopped snowing now and the sun's shining. Hopefully we'll get a melt so I can get the car off the drive tomorrow and go shopping. Oh, and nearly forgot - Happy New Year! x

PS - I spent my Christmas cash on a Nintendo DS and have completed Prof Layton & Pandora's Box!! My kids think it's hysterical their old mum is hooked on gaming.

The Six Perils of Writing Workshops

2009-12-09T08:46:00.006Z

I was going to write a few lines about choosing a writing workshop but as I'm feeling rather lazy this morning I'll point you in this direction instead - with apologies to James Burt for stealing his title.

Festive Fiction

2009-12-05T14:27:00.013Z

Got my copy of Take a Break's Christmas Fiction Feast yesterday. My story, spread over 4 pages, begins on page 8 and has some lovely illustrations to accompany it so not too worried Norah's changed my title from 'Ice Angels' to 'An Angel in Bovver Boots'!

I'm in good company this month with my writing chums Teresa Ashby, Della Galton, Pam Weaver, Sandra Beswetherick, Sally Quilford and Geraldine Ryan. Just thinking off the top of my head here so if I've missed anyone out, apologies ;0)

And still in festive mood, I put up the Christmas tree this morning. Not a bauble in sight this year. I've gone for the rustic look with pine cones, gingerbread men, candy canes and ribbon. I like it. Not sure what Himself will think. He's more the glitter and tinsel type. Who said 'chav'?

Might dry out some orange slices tomorrow to string with ribbon and hang on the tree. I do them fresh every year because they don't seem to save very well. I found two mouldy ones at the bottom of the deco box. Think the trick is to dry them out more slowly. Or buy them ready made as I've done with the cinnamon sticks. Tescos are selling them in packs of 2 for £2 so much cheaper than doing them myself. Though on closer inspection, I think they're twigs and not cinnamon.

We Are Not A Camera

2009-12-03T08:54:00.010Z

I'm a bit of a fiddler when faced with anything technical. Let me begin by saying 'I know nothing'. Like I said, I just like to fiddle! Where's this going? Well, I managed to put together a new website as you probably know, but then wondered about doing one for Himself.
I haven't a clue how he's run a successful business for almost 30 years with such a distinct lack of advertising, save for a few runs in the local newspaper.

( "I have a good reputation, stoopid" - Himself)

Sorry about that, he's looking over my shoulder! So, two days of arguing over what should go on it I ended up with Jeff Houghton's Website

I'm sure it could be better. This is only my third bash at web building but I think it does the job for now. The problem comes with getting Google and all the other search engines to recognise it. The biggest and most annoying problem is every time anyone Googles 'Houghton's Butchers' they're directed to various websites (including eBay) glorifying the HOUGHTON BUTCHERS REFLEX CARBINE CAMERA - a rather ugly box camera thing circa 1925.

Can you tell the difference?

Woman's Weekly

2009-11-29T20:21:00.005Z

Have you heard the very good news that Woman's Weekly will be putting out 10 fiction specials per year from January 2010? Here are the expected publication dates:

4th Jan
5th Feb
12th Mar
16th Apr
21st May
2nd July
13th Aug
24th Sept
29th Oct
30th Nov

I'm waiting to hear what the newest guidelines are. Meanwhile I'll be dusting off some stories in my 'Started but not finished' file...and there're an awful lot languishing in there!

Never say Die

2009-11-26T10:18:00.009Z

Wish it was my own book launch I was plugging but for now I have to ride on another's coattails..sighs!

My writing chum, Lynne Barrett-Lee has her book out today. Think Amazon has it on offer for under a fiver at the moment so it'd make a great Christmas present. Here's a taster:

Never Say Die

by Melanie Davies and Lynne Barrett-Lee

'I don’t know how long it was before I fully woke up, but when I did, everything felt different. My eyes opened and for a moment it seemed that I must have been hit on the head. There was no pain at all, but a new face above me. A manly face. Rugged. Unfamiliar. Concerned. I wanted him to save me, but straight away I noticed that there was worry in his expression and sadness in his eyes. He asked me a question, but I didn’t really hear it. I felt terrified. Why was he looking at me that way? Then he asked me again, and this time I did hear. “Can you,” he asked, “move your feet for me, sweetheart?” I had no choice but to answer with a question of my own, because I didn’t understand what was happening. Where were they? Where were my feet and my legs? Where was the rest of my body?’

Sounds intriguing, doesn't it, but what makes it all the more extraordinary is Never Say Die isn't fiction. There'll be lots of publicity surrounding the launch, including an interview with Melanie in the Daily Mail on the 27th Nov. and further interviews on TV.

I know Lynne, along with Melanie, has worked hard on this book so hoping they get lots of sales.

Lynne is also the author of romantic comedies: Virtual Strangers, Straight On Till Morning, Out on a Limb, Barefoot in the Dark and Julie Gets A Life.

Chickle!

2009-11-19T11:26:00.005Z

I know folk get tired of being sent jokes via the Interweb, especially ones that have been doing the rounds for yonks, but this one made me splutter coffee over the keyboard. So thank you Ginny, for this little gem:

Yesterday I was at my local Co-op buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Website makeover

2009-11-16T12:29:00.005Z

Been fiddling about with the website, yet again. Not this one, the other one.

I'd been using Trellix site builder for some years but then tried to migrate to their new web builder with disastrous results. I lost half the content - my fault, I'm sure. But anyway, then one of my writer friends, Jill Steeples, told me about Moonfruit and how easy it was. I agree. Much easier! And I don't have to pay to get adverts removed either!

So, if you click here or on the link at the top of this page it should take you to my nice new site. Similar content to the old one, just a bit smarter..but that's only my opinion ;0)

I think I've done everything necessary to divert traffic from my old site to the new one but apparently it can take a while for it all to kick in...or whatever the techie term is. And then there's the wait for Google and other search engines to crawl all over it and gather up keywords and other important techie stuff.

Have you created a Mary-Sue or a Gary-Stu?

2009-11-16T12:10:00.007Z

If you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, don't worry, I'd never heard of it either, but apparently, in literary criticism, a'Mary-Sue'is a fictional character the writer has created who...you know what, I really can't be bothered to explain so here's what Wikipedia has to say about it:

A Mary Sue (or Gary Stu), is a character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors or readers. Perhaps the single underlying feature of all characters described as 'Mary Sues' is that they are too ostentatious for the audience's taste, or that the author seems to favor the character too highly. The author may seem to push how exceptional and wonderful the 'Mary Sue' character is on his or her audience, sometimes leading the audience to dislike or even resent the character fairly quickly; such a character could be described as an 'author's pet'.

Someone has even devised what is known as The Mary-Sue Litmus Test. Be warned, it's awfully long.

Did I learn anything from it? Well, not really. It's a basic principle when creating characters. Make them likeable, well-drawn and not cliched...end of. Simples!

My Roots Needed Doing

2009-11-07T17:50:00.013Z

I've been rootling around on Ancestry.co.uk for a couple of years on and off mainly because it interests me and it appeals to the nosey side of my personality but also to find out if the family legend is true and we really are related to Sir Isaac Newton and G. K. Chesterton...yes, I know it sounds unlikely but one never knows!

Well, after struggling to get the ancestry website to work properly - it isn't compliant with IE8 Vista apparently you need Firefox 3 - I've discovered that we do indeed have a long line of Chestertons in the family but sadly they're the 'wrong sort'. They're the Leicester Chestertons not the London lot. It makes a difference!

We do have an Isaac Newton, but again, not the Sir Isaac and born a hundred or more years too late. Ah well!

Still, I did get some joy on the genealogy front...today I marked up my 400th ancestor link and have now been able to trace back to the 1600's on both maternal and paternal side of the Cooling family (Cooling is my maiden name, by the way).

I rather like the look of this old girl. She's called Esther Chesterton (nee Hardwick 1823-1873) and the mother to nine children. Bit weird putting faces to deceased rellies and even weirder if you think how far we've come from sepia photos to sharing them around the world on the Internet.

The tombstone belongs to another Chesterton rellie - Richard Chesterton and his son Richard Jnr. Lovely inscription and so clear considering its age. It's in Hungerton churchyard, Leicester, so one day I'll go take a look at it. Oh and I hear there's a Chesterton House somewhere in Leicester...maybe it's the stately pile I've been looking for!

Ancestry

2009-11-04T12:59:00.013Z

A few years back I traced my dad's side of the family (the Coolings) back to 1696. It wasn't difficult. They lived, worked and died (but for one brief migration down to Peterborough) in Southwell, Nottinghamshire. Most had unremarkable lives but I was re-reading all this stuff this morning and with Christmas approaching, thought the following, dated Boxing Day 1839, rather poignant. Just imagine what this family would've been going through.

The letter concerns my gt.gt.gt-grandfather, George Cooling, father of 6, who on being made redundant from a local hosiery mill in 1839, threw himself on the mercy of the Guardians of the Southwell Union Poor Law Commission. The board ordered he should be granted 3 stone of bread, value 8 shillings, whilst he sought work. I have a copy of a letter dated 29th December 1839, written by Edward Senior, which states:

'The relief given may be sanctioned, it might be well to state to the Guardians that the Commissioners believe much evil is occasioned by granting out door relief in a District where labour is usually well rewarded and where no want of Employment is general, by keeping up the feeling, that the Parish is bound to make up for lost time, and state that the real motive for granting such relief is the Commissioners apprehend the pecuniary interest of the Parish and advise that in similar instances in future the Workhouse only be offered'.

On the reverse of this letter is a draft letter back from the Poor Law Commission to the effect that they will not withhold such sanction from the outdoor relief given to George Cooling as his becoming unemployed was no fault of his as the mill where he'd worked had fallen into bankruptcy.

I assume George did find employment soon after as I can find no mention of his family having gone into Southwell Workhouse.

I've been promising myself that one day I'll take the guided tour. It's only a few miles away and we did go to Southwell recently so I could take some photos and get a 'feel' as to where I'm from, so to speak. However we didn't get to see the workhouse from the inside as it was closed season. Maybe next year. And I'll take along my notebook in case any story plots present themselves. Probably ghostly ones!

I did have a spooky experience whilst looking around the village. We'd just come out of the minster and I was standing by a row of terraced houses imagining them on a book cover of my first historical saga (no, don't laugh)and when I got home and checked the address, where I'd been standing was next door to the actual house one of my rellies had lived! Okay, maybe coincidence, after all the village isn't that big, but nevertheless..

The Lovely Blog Award

2009-10-31T19:25:00.009Z

Ah, you meet some lovely people in this writing game. My friend Janice Horton has made my day by giving me The Lovely Blog Award which I’m so ridiculously pleased to accept, you'd think I'd won tonight's lottery!.

And now the rules say:
1) Accept the award, and don’t forget to post a link back to the awarding person.
2) Pass the award on.
3) Notify the award winners.

So I'd like to pass the award on to (trumpets and drum roll, please) Teresa Ashby because I've long admired her work and her blog is always entertaining and interesting.

Pumpkin pie

2009-10-31T14:59:00.013Z

Here's Amy carving a spider!

With 4 pumpkins turned into spooky lanterns there was an awful lot of flesh to work with! We bought ready-made pastry bases and then followed the recipe below:

For the filling:

1lb pureed pumpkin
1 large tin of condensed milk
2 eggs
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 tspoon ground ginger
1/2 tspoon ground nutmeg
pinch salt

Method:
Pre-heat oven to 200 degrees
To the pureed pumpkin add everything else and mix well
Bake for 15 mins at 200 degrees then turn heat down to 170 for another 35 mins.
You'll know it's done when it's set like an egg custard.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T10:36:00.005Z

Isn't my daughter, Amy, clever? She took about half an hour to carve this last night and I think it's brilliant. Beats the usual scary face doesn't it?

Going a Bit Lynne Truss

2009-10-30T11:21:00.009Z

My local corner shop/newsagent went bust a few years back and my next nearest looks to be suffering the same fate (thanks to supermarkets but don't get me started on that one). For months there has been gossip of it going into liquidation and when they stopped selling magazines and newspapers it seemed as if the rumours were true.

Today there's a big sign outside declaring 'THERE BACK - MAGAZINES/NEWSPAPERS NOW IN STOCK'.

I went in hoping to get Women's Weekly (Paula William's final serial chapter of Burying Bad News) but the shelves were bare. Feeling cheated, I couldn't resist pointing out someone had used the wrong spelling on the board outside.

'Oh yes,' said the assistant. 'Should be T-H-E-I-R shouldn't it?'

'No, it should be T-H-E-Y'R-E.' She looked at me as if I was a nutter, and admittedly I did feel a bit Lynne Truss as I vigorously signed an air apostrophe.

I suppose if folk go in just to point out it's wrong it might increase 'THERE' sales huh?

PS. I am now paranoid you're searching this blog for grammatical/spelling errors. Be assured, you'll find plenty! Just don't write to tell me!

Short Story Radio Competition

2009-10-30T09:38:00.003Z

Short Story Radio is proud to announce the Short Story Radio Romance Award 2010. This exciting and innovative new writing competition offers romantic fiction writers the chance to have their work recorded and broadcast, as well as to receive a cash prize.
We are looking for an engaging and entertaining romance story (previously unpublished) , told in two parts of no more than 5,000 words in total, similar to the type of romance story you will find in a women's magazine.

Word length: synopsis (no more than one page of A4) and first part of story (2,000 minimum to 2,500 maximum words). This first part must end with a “hook” or “cliffhanger” to entice the listener to listen to the second part of the story. Only short-listed entrants will be asked to send the second part of the story.

The winning story will be recorded and broadcast, in two episodes, on the Short Story Radio website and podcast. The winner will also receive a cash prize of £150 and the title of winner of the Short Story Radio Romance Award 2010.

The short-list judge for this competition is Pat Richardson, founder of Perfectly Worded Writing and Editing Consultancy and former Fiction Editor at Best magazine (UK).

More information at http://www.shortstoryradio.com/short_story_competitions.htm

Gather ye cheggies

2009-10-29T13:56:00.012Z

Everyone's been saying what a rotten year it is for chestnuts but not up here in Notts. My kids went out gathering just a mile away and came back with this lot after only an hour's work. I didn't go with them. Getting spiny thorns out of finger ends for a week afterwards is to be avoided at all cost especially if you're a writer!

My daughter washed and dried the haul and prepared to roast them. I favoured banging them in the microwave for a few seconds but I was over-ruled. They wanted them done in the chiminea outside for that authentic taste. They had a point. As a child, I remember going shopping with my gran shortly before Christmas and on the way to the bus station stopping off at a street vendor to buy sixpence worth of chestnuts from a glowing brazier - yes, dear readers, I really am that old - then hugging the brown paper bag in my mitten-clad paws until we were on the bus home. I know hot chestnuts can still be found but I bet the open brazier's been replaced with an 'authentic barrow'.

But back from the Dickensian fantasy - we were out of coals and logs for the chiminea so several pounds of cheggies went in my electric fan oven instead. Someone should've set the timer because when they were dished up the anticipated smokey-soft kernel had shrivelled and dried (along with the obligatory maggots contained therein) making them inedible. They'd have been more succulent if they'd been put through the Hadron Collider.

Oh and here's a little blast from the past...remember Johnny Morris of Animal Magic fame? He had a regular slot on BBC Children’s TV in the 1950s as The Hot Chestnut Man, telling stories over a brazier.

Fun

2009-10-27T09:40:00.013Z

First son and his girlfriend are up from London, visiting for a week. They won't be around for our yuletide get together as they'll be off to Denmark.
I was toying with the idea of doing the whole tinsel lunch shebang but it was decided we'd go for a meal at a local Asian restaurant instead. Phew!
Jhinook came up to expectation as usual, though our request to ignore the set starter menu and 'Just bring us out a mix' cost us dearly and I don't mean cash-wise! The house still smells like a Bombay back street!

On Sunday we went off to Meadowhall (Sheffield) which is only 30 mins away and had a meal in a tapas bar followed by an hour and a half chuckle watching Pixar's newest creation, UP, in 3D.

We were handed free (at £9.70 a seat I should think so too!) viewing goggles - black-framed plastic things with polarised lenses - which are quite trendy in a Thunderbirds kind of way and a vast improvement on the paper efforts with the red and green lenses.

The 3D effects weren't the 'in yer face throw things out at the audience' sort I expected, but subtle and very realistic. I wasn't sure I'd enjoy a film about some old codger who transports his home by lifting it from its foundations using balloons, but I loved it. Especially the character Russell - very lovable and funny.

It wasn't until afterwards I realised it'd addressed infertility, death (weepy scene I thought kids might not grasp but I overheard a youngster seated in front sniffle!), single parenting, loss of childhood illusions, and the necessities of respecting nature. Not bad for a PG rated film eh?

House for Sale

2009-10-24T15:48:00.012+01:00

Penrhiw House, ABERCYCH, Boncath, Pembrokeshire, SA37 0HB

Reduced to £199,950

Anyone out there looking for property in a fabulous setting? If so, this house might fit the bill. Apart from a lovely sitting room and dream country kitchen look at the garden! If you know of any reflexologists then this house comes with the option of continuing the owner's business. He has a list of almost 200 clients and he has never advertised so there is huge potential to expand.

All this and a beach only 7 miles away.

For lots more info go here

The People's Friend Subs Update

2009-10-21T11:35:00.005+01:00

Have just heard PF will only now accept hard copy plus sae, or with a request to recycle and have a reply via email - the latter best all round, I think. But no denying it's yet another blow to the writer. I suppose they're trying to save the expense of printing out our emailed stories and passing the expense of postage on to us.

Who Rules the Fiction Roost?

2009-10-20T11:20:00.009+01:00

I sent the novel out again last Wednesday to a small independent publisher in the UK. It came back just short of 12 hours with a 'Though you write fluidly with well-drawn characters and an unusual and intriguing plot...we have to decline at this time.' Blah, blah!

I no longer want to kick small furry pets or throw things at the wall when I hear this. I kind of expect it and I would give up were it not for a half dozen full ms reads by agents who were full of praise for it but subsequently turned it down with varying excuses basically blaming today's marketing climate. In other words, the industry is at the mercy of the big book chains.

Robert McCrum in his article in The Observer writes:
How can good new writers be published when the industry is ruled by people who aren't interested in originality?

How indeed? And, okay, maybe I am deluded and like many an X Factor contestant I should give up the dream...but I can't.

PS No furry pets were harmed in the making of my novel - only offspring and Himself.

Today I am mostly eating...

2009-10-14T17:37:00.012+01:00

...Sunshine soup with home-made bread for starters - caramelised onion and goat's cheese tart for main.

I fancied a break from writing today (writers' block) so dug through the cupboards and fridge for something to turn into delicious grub.

I call it sunshine soup because it's made from yellow/orange veg...simples! Butternut squash, yellow sweet pepper,garlic and potato and parsnip, okay not all strictly yellow, but near enough. I would've thrown in a couple of carrots but the ones I had in my fridge had gone all limp.

Has to be the simplest soup to make.
Chop veg into small pieces, add chicken stock (or veggie stock if you're of that persuasion) and a good pinch of harissa and rose spice, then simmer till soft.
Blend, add more seasoning if needed. Maybe a swirl of cream and garnish to taste, as they say. I've done this recipe using coconut milk and Thai green curry paste to rings the changes a bit.

Himself mopped the dish clean with the bread (yes, I did make it...from a packet) so I assume he liked it.

Now for the main:

1 packet of flaky pastry (with only one day's life left in it, phew!).
It was the ready-rolled sort so all I had to do was un-roll it and score a half inch round the edges so it could rise and fluff up nicely.
I put that aside and to a hot frying pan added a knob of butter, 3 tablespoons each of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and when bubbling, added 500 gms onion (should be red but I only had the ordinary sort and it worked just as well) and a tablespoon of sugar.

I left that to simmer while I checked for emails from editors...none. Had time to enter a couple of comps on GMTV until all the liquid in the onions had reduced and they were nice and brown.
Note: If you make this, the kitchen will smell fab at this point and your stomach will be groaning for food!
While the onions cooled, I spread a bit of tomato and garlic puree on the pastry base but you could add fresh toms...I didnt have any. I told you I was using stuff from the cupboard!
I added the caramelised onions and veg (oh forgot to say - good tip here: those packets of frozen mediterranean veg cooked with the onions at the last minute make a nice addition.)
Lastly, I topped the lot with with slices of goat's cheese.
Bunged it in the oven for about 25 mins. making sure the bottom was cooked through. I find placing it on a slotted tray works best...or a pizza tray. Anything so the heat can get to the base. And voila!

Served with salad and/or chips. I was pleased with the results looks and taste-wise though Himself moaned he found a dog hair on his plate. Like that was my fault. Honestly!

I HAVE NEVER BEEN UP THE EIFFEL TOWER

2009-10-12T15:10:00.012+01:00

Sorry to shout but I needed to say it VERY LOUDLY and this seemed the best place, there being no echo. Plus Himself can't mutter a childish, 'Yes you have and no come backs' under his breath.

The disagreement began like this:
I took a phone call from Second Son to say he and girlfriend had arrived safely in Paris and they were 'Up the Eiffel Tower'.
I'm gooey-eyed on hearing this as Himself and I spent our honeymoon in Paris - 35 years ago last month if you've been paying attention.

'How romantic', I said. 'Dad and I did all the other touristy stuff, but never made it up the tower.'

Puzzled look from Himself followed by lots of huffing and puffing about how could I have forgotten? The most romantic city in the world on the most romantic day of our lives and I'd forgotten.

No, I hadn't. It never happened. I'll say it again. Up the Eiffel Tower we did not go!
Could it be Blackpool Tower he's thinking of? If so, he did that alone, because I know I've never been up there, either. I do recall climbing a working windmill in Norfolk - an exercise I'll not repeat in a hurry. Watching the sails whizz past as I clung to a wonky wooden rail was enough to put me off heights and Weetabix for life. Not to mention the ensuing asthma attack.

I digress - La Tour Eiffel...I tried to end the argument by getting out the honeymoon snaps. There we are at Sacre Coeur, Montmartre, the Seine, Champs-Elysées, Notre-Dame, L'Arc de Triomph even the bliddy bus terminal but not one pic taken from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Plenty from the bottom looking up. Hah! Proof or what?

Um, no. He said we were probably still giddy with the excitement of our wedding, and so stunned by the breathless beauty of the city spread below us that we must've forgotten to use the camera.

Sigh!

Christmas Chiller Comp

2009-10-01T13:05:00.010+01:00

If you fancy writing a spooky tale with a Christmas flavour or maybe have one already completed and languishing on your pooter, how about entering it in WriteLink’s latest short story competition, Christmas Chiller?

Briefly:

First Prize £50 and publication on Writelink
Two runners up prizes of £25.
Word count 1500 maximum
Entry fee: £4.50 per story
Entries close 8th November, 2009

Oh and your story must begin with ...
“The good fairy stared through the sifting curtain of snow and wondered … ”

I know some of you don't like paying entry fees and the prize isn't mind-boggling but it's sometimes good to get out of your usual writing style and let rip. And who knows, with a bit of editing, you might still be able to sell it on to a mag afterwards.

For more competitions visit Sally Quilford's Competition Calendar Sally regularly updates this page so there's always something interesting to be found.

Eating sweets causes violence?

2009-10-01T09:19:00.009+01:00

Not related to writing but this made me splutter in disbelief. Some barmpot has come up with the notion that eating too many sweets as a youngster causes aggression in later life. Quote from the study:

Analysis confirms that 10-year-olds who ate confectionery daily were significantly more likely to have been convicted for violence between the ages of 29 and 34.

"Our favoured explanation is that giving children sweets and chocolate regularly may stop them learning how to wait to obtain something they want.
"Not being able to defer gratification may push them towards more impulsive behaviour, which is strongly associated with delinquency."

Isn't that contradictory? It isn't the sweets per se...it's the replacing of love and guidance with sweets? So that's bad parenting then, isn't it? Exactly what anyone with sense already knows.

Maybe these scientists would do better looking into how many pints of alcohol these same kids are necking between the ages of 10 and 29/34.
Ooh, hark at me getting all political!

Sale to report

2009-09-30T14:20:00.006+01:00

On the very last day of the month comes a sale to Take A Break's Fiction Feast. They're buying a 2800 word Christmas story.

I don't write many seasonal stories as they normally only get one stab at a market per year if the editors are slow to read. This one I sent in August so a pretty good turnaround as it goes. If it's published in the December issue which hits the newsagents the month before, then I just might get my fee before Christmas. Here's hoping because my bank account could do with an injection of cash!

Norah McGrath (TAB editor if you don't know) also sent me a copy of their new contract to sign. I should say, new to me - apparently it came out around this time last year and I must've been missed off the list of contributors. First time I've had to sign anything for TAB, but Norah assures me:

'it has proved not at all controversial as people can still still sell on stories.'

I think I still have 2 other stories sitting in her slushpile so fingers crossed for them too, though even mentioning them has probably jinxed that possibility!

E mail AWOL

2009-09-30T10:11:00.009+01:00

Ever sent an email to the wrong person?

A survey (there’s always a survey) of 4000 people revealed that a third had sent something of a personal nature to the wrong recipient. I read of a man who replied to an invite to a school reunion but his e-mail didn't only contain friendly chat or reminiscences, but a lewd photo of a partly unclothed young man.

Apparently, it was a new computer and this guy had been figuring out how to add attachments to an e-mail. As an experiment, he clicked on a random image from his desktop and tried to send it to himself (who hasn't tried that?) but the e-mail program he was using being the clever thing it was, automatically filled in an entire group from his contacts book. He didn't realize, of course, until after he hit the ‘send’ button. He apologised for his mistake in a follow-up email. How he explained away having lewd images of young men on his desktop I have no idea.

I've made similar mistakes - none involving semi-clothed young men, sadly. Like the time I joined ‘The Rather Nice Association’ and was invited onto their members forum to introduce myself and my work etc. Being used to the informality of my usual on-line writing group I jumped in with a ‘Hey, how’s it hanging, dudes’ type post. Actually, no I didn’t. I’d never say that and I’m not American for a start, but you get my drift.

Anyway, only one person came back with a ‘Welcome’ (thank you, you know who you are) but, unperturbed, I lurked a bit longer and tried again...and again. Just chatty posts about recent sales to a magazine and what I'd been up to that weekend. I got a cyber slap back for ‘using the forum for self promotion’. I think my grammar came under scrutiny, too.

Feeling a bit deflated I emailed my own lovely writing group and told them what a stuffy old lot The Rather Nice Association were, that I felt completely out of my depth and wouldn’t be going back there again. Harrumph!

Do I need to spell it out? That’s right. I sent it to The Rather Nice people by mistake. Oh the shame! The toe-curling embarrassment!
Thankfully, it seemed to break the ice. Caused a bit of a giggle and I was forgiven. And if any Rather Nice Association members are reading this – I came to realise I was being overly-sensitive and you are all very, very nice.

So, are there any sure-fire ways to avoid this dilemma? Well, there are programmes out there you can use and I believe there’s something in Outlook that gives a few seconds delay between you clicking the ‘send’ button and actually whizzing it off, but my experience is that you won’t realise your email has gone AWOL until you’re sitting there wondering why your friend didn’t reply to your important opinion on your b*****d excuse of a boss.

So, my tips are:
1. I know it’s a bore but if you get into the habit of always typing the full name it’ll lesson the chances of mistakes. Don’t just type just the first few letters and let your e-mail program fill out the rest because based on your contacts book, it could easily misroute your message without your realizing it.

2. When you grammar and spell check your email (you do do that, right?) also double-check the address of your intended recipient before you hit 'send'.

You’re only going to lose a few seconds out of your day and believe me it's worth it!

Latest My Weekly Guidelines

2009-09-29T13:29:00.008+01:00

These have been out a week or two now and I can't recall who emailed asking if I knew what they were, so in the hope that whoever it was reads my blog, I'm posting here.

Remember, you can only sub one story per month now and they're no longer returning unsuccessful stories, so if you haven't heard back after 6 mths, presume it's a 'No thanks.' The upside means if you send via snail mail, you don't need to include a sae. I'd imagine most of us send by email anyway.

Have to say, I don't particularly like this new system but then I'm not the one drowning under submissions, am I? Let's just hope if we get a 'yes' we ARE informed within that 6 mths or the story might've been sent elsewhere and that could involve a messy email to withdraw it from some other editor's pile.

Don't forget that anything you send now should be aimed at the January/February issues and they're specifically looking for:

1400-1600 words Twist in the Tail - Light hearted or very moving themes.
700 word Coffee Break - Again, light hearted or moving.
1200 or 2000 word Romance stories - Light hearted themes.
2500-3000 Long Reads - I'm guessing this can be any theme as they don't specify.

My Weekly Pocket Novels
I think I'm right in saying you can send in your ideas for these at any time. NOT the whole thing, mind. Send only a synopsis and the first three chapters in manuscript form or via email...I'd go with email seeing as the post here in the UK is a bit 'iffy' at the moment!
If the editor likes your proposal and wishes to proceed, she'll ask you to send in the full novel electronically - use Rich Text or Word document(I'd go for compatibility mode if you're using the latest version of Word to avoid sending them pages of gobbledy-gook!)

Word count: around 30,000 words, no more than 32,000. Love, passion, romance and adventure being the key words. Female viewpoint. Contemporary or historical, they can be set anywhere in the world.

'We look for stories with a strong, developing romance between two identifiable characters. Within the time it takes to read one of the novels, we would like the reader to share and experience the breathless/breath-taking excitement of a growing relationship.'

Word of warning: Before you embark on a pocket novel, you should know the fee isn't huge! It's approx £200 and there aren't any Royalties. Plus you can wait up to a year before you know whether or not they're going to publish, and that's AFTER you've submitted the whole thing. Okay, you could maybe condense it to suit other mags but it's a lot of work. When you consider what Take A Break will pay for a 1000 worder...well, don't know about you but I don't write for fun. Having said this, I'd still like to crack the market. Can't resist a challenge!

So if you're up for it, it's the usual address: myweekly@dcthomson.co.uk
and mark it for the attention of Maggie Seed.

Good luck!

Important Update on The Lady Fiction

2009-09-29T13:12:00.003+01:00

Thanks to writer Paula Williams for sending me this heads up:

In the editorial in this week's Lady, Rachel Johnson, the editor, says:

"It's all my fault and last week's announcement from our Literary Editor that funeral rites are being read over The Lady short story was somewhat premature. crossed wires, I'm afraid. The short story is a much loved feature of the magazine, as is fashion and you will be finding them within our pages over the next few weeks -we are just finding the right short story and the right fashion for you."

So keep sending out those shorts!

Dan Brown's 20 worst Sentences

2009-09-18T14:54:00.007+01:00

The Lost Symbol, the latest novel by The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown, has gone on sale and Tom Chivers has a funny article in the Telegraph pointing out Dan Brown's 20 worst sentences taken from his 5 books.

There's been a long-running argument on DB's ability to write. He's certainly come in for some harsh criticism. 5 best sellers and 2 blockbuster movies do not a writer make...er, yes they do. Bet DB's crying all the way to the bank.

I've only read Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons and I enjoyed them, taking them as the fun/mystery/thriller they were meant to be. Does that make me a bad reader, then? According to some comments my brain must be mush and I'd be better off reading Dostoevsky or Samuel Beckett. Why presume I haven't already?

Discuss ;0)

The Lady Stops Fiction

2009-09-16T09:15:00.003+01:00

Is it true? They've polled their readers and they're not interested in keeping the fiction?

I heard it on the writer grapevine just a few minutes ago. Not that I sold them shed loads, in fact, just the one, way back when. It was a story I'd enjoyed writing and unusually for me, of a People's Friend flavour. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't, as PF declined it first, but it certainly wasn't suitable for Take A Break and The Lady sprang to mind so that's where I placed it. And would you believe I sent them 3 shorts only last week? No doubt they'll come flying back.

I don't feel as shocked as when Woman stopped their fiction. That was a blow. My first ever sale was to them, Summer Special 2002.

Thought: My gran first introduced me to Woman when I grew out of Jackie magazine, so I've always had a soft spot for it

My biggest thrill was when I had a 6 week run in the weekly. Sue Thomas was fiction editor back then. Happy days.

The Wasp Killer

2009-09-15T08:56:00.005+01:00

So this is what an aubergine wasp killer looks like then. Not, as I'd imagined, a mutant vegetable running amok with a fly swatter, but a ceramic contraption to be filled with sugary water, then hung in the garden to keep your barbecuing sting free.

It's probably about as useful as those citronella candles that seem to attract flies rather than make them turn their noses up and go bother someone else. Mind you, I think the next thing we'll be cooking in the garden may well be chestnuts. Feels really autumnal this morning. The leaves have already started to turn and I realised yesterday evening, I'd closed the curtains by the time the signature tune to Corrie came on. Time to switch the candles and plug-ins from 'Freesia' to 'Spicy Apple & Cinnamon' me thinks!

Comp news - but not literary.

2009-09-14T15:14:00.007+01:00

Yippee, I got an email today from GMTV advising me I'd won a prize. In a few days I'll be the proud owner of a bistro dining set, a mixed case of Caves Saint-Pierre wines, culinary herbs for wine lovers seed kit including Greek Oregano, Basil Bouquet, English Thyme, Italian Parsley and Summer Savoury seeds, an Aubergine Wasp Catcher and Alistair Sawday's B & B for Garden Lovers guide.

I enter 100's of on-line comps a month not to mention those in puzzle books and the women's mags and the only thing I've ever won is a tube of ceramic hob cleaner (I don't own a ceramic hob) and a DVD of some old TV series (probably still showing on GOLD channel) which I never watched and took straight to the charity shop! So, I'm quite thrilled despite the fact I already have outdoor furniture and summer's all but over anyway. The wine I'll stash away for Christmas - no, really, I will!

If anyone knows what an Aubergine Wasp Killer is don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise ;0)

Quick catch up

2009-09-10T15:38:00.005+01:00

Crikey is it really over a week since I blogged? I'm telling myself that's a good sign. It means I've been doing some serious scribbling - not that blogging isn't but you know what I mean. I mean 'serious' as in 'writing wot can earn me cash'. My bank balance is rather low at the moment. I'm still awaiting payment from a Swedish magazine which should arrive shortly but I could do with some more sales in time for Christmas!

That mini-mystery I tried my hand at...it ain't happening. At least not in 700 words, it isn't. It'll most probably end up around 3000 words at the rate I'm going. Which is great if I can sell it to Take A Break and then possibly Fast Fiction, Aus. Maybe further afield than that...um, can you get further afield than Aus? No, s'pose not.

Anyway, apart from playing around with the mystery, I've managed to edit and adapt a batch of oldies to fit new markets.

Around 5 have come whooshing back by email within days, bearing the usual, 'Thanks, but not this time' reply. 2 have got a 'short-listed' and 1 a 'You'll hear from us soon'. Oh and I had 1 'out of the office for a month' automated reply. So that's one editor who's going to be seriously behind with her reading unless she has someone else on the case.

I also got a rejection from Take A Break this morning. My heart sank when I spotted the large white envelope bearing the tell-tale address label - I ordered the wrong size for my printer and they're a tad on the small size, so that's how I recognised it.

Norah still has another sent around a fortnight after this one but to be honest I thought the rejected one was the better of the two. I wish they'd let us sub via email, but Norah did tell me that their computers were so out of date the whole system would crash and burn if they did.

What else have I been up to? I took Theo to the vet this morning for a check-up. He's got the cone thingy off his head now and he's gradually re-growing his fur but still looks a bit on the lean side though I think his appetite is returning. Another check-up in 2 weeks time and he should be discharged, thank heavens.

Mini mystery

2009-09-02T15:40:00.006+01:00

I've come to the conclusion that writing a mini mystery is incredibly difficult. First there's the crime, a minimum of 3 suspects and then the resolution all in 800 words or under. Then a 6 mth wait to see if it passes muster with a US editor. Why am I bothering?

Well, probably because it's a challenge. I've got most of it down today but keep going over the word count and my solution is as long as the actual story - not sure that should happen. And I have a feeling there's more than one story going on. What I mean is, I think it's over-complicated. I could maybe lose one of the elements and it'd still work...maybe.

Not much other news. I've had a bit of a brainstorming session and managed to get a total of 8 stories back out there. Still awaiting on the novel but will probably not hear anything till after Christmas.

Argh! The dreaded 'C' word! Shudders! Well you'd be shuddering too if your other half was in the butchery trade. himself is already looking out the turkey posters and I've been instructed to print out the leaflets advertising our 'Bumper Yuletide Hampers'.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all I'm working 5 mths ahead myself on New Year ideas and even Valentine's Day stuff. Where does the year go? Huh?

Clear As Mud

2009-08-28T14:54:00.009+01:00

We write the posts, and when we enable post titles, we choose the post titles. When we enable post pages and post titles, the URLs of the posts are a function of the dates, and the titles, of the posts.

I'm sure the paragraph above, lifted from The Real Blogger Status , makes perfect sense to the more technical-minded among us, but to me it's about as clear as mud!

About as clear as the 3,000 word crime story I've been struggling to edit. The plot has posed no problem and neither have the clues or the resolution. But I've got myself in a right (write!) tizz over my characters.

'on set' are:
2 policemen - 1 a Detective Constable and the other a Detective Inspector
1 Medical examiner
1 dead guy
1 dead guy's wife

Then there're others 'off set' that play a big part in the crime but don't need to be present. Well, one of them, Dickie The Diamond, can't because he's doing a long stretch for armed robbery.

The Medical Examiner has a minor role, the dead guy well he just lies there with a knife sticking out of his throat. His wife is there purely to bounce the clues off.
No, it all got complicated when I realised my DI had taken on the lead role when I wanted his DC to be the main man. I'm all for the under-dog coming good, aren't you?

So I did a mass edit, giving my DC all the best lines and turning my DI into a bit of a misogynistic swine - he lacks a drink problem and an aged sports car as I thought that too stereotyped.

By the way, I typed 'sports scar' just then. Was it a typo? Or is my character taking over as I believe him to be doing? Maybe he went to a private school and sustained it playing rugby? Or did he have a cow-bag of a House Mistress who beat him on a regular basis with a copy of DeBretts, hence his hatred of women? See what I mean? He wont stay in the background.

So, this is what I've decided. I'll write the story giving my DC the lead role...I like him, he's blond, kind of scruffy (but def not whiffy!)with a penchant for Smarties and then I'll give my DI a whole new story to himself.

Clear as mud?

PS I just re-read this post and realise what a complete nutter I must seem. hey-ho!

Slam-dunkin' the Too Many Chasing Too Few Theory

2009-08-27T09:59:00.010+01:00

My sales to the womags are definitely down this year. I used to sell 2 a month, now it's about 1 a month. I'm forever being asked how many stories I've sold recently (mainly by Himself who would like me to get a 'proper job'). My staple, and rather defensive, reply has been,

"Oh, well, there are just too many writers chasing too few slots."

But is that true?

Would it be more honest to say, "There're better writers than me out there and that's why my sales are down" or "I haven't written as many."?

I was talking with a writing tutor the other day and she came back with some interesting thoughts on the matter. And I have to say, after giving it some thought, I agree.

The 'Too Many Newbies Writing' theory:

Yes, creative writing classes are everywhere now and available for anyone to join. People are clamoring for places. Are they turning out great mag stories the editors are lapping up in favour of us old hacks? Is this fresh blood full of exciting new plot lines and imaginative twists?

Er no. In her experience (and mine from the little tutoring I've done)some students are there only because they bought into the idea that womag publication is easy. They've read Take A Break - Pah! Should be a doddle to scribble something like that! They've seen that advert on the telly/in the writing mags about the writer who joined a class and now has a turnover rivaling JKR. Great! A quick way to make a few quid.

I can guarantee that these students, who make up most of any class, will drop out after a few months. Of course, a few will trudge on relentless, but they'll never quite make it. Well, good on them for sticking with it.
The rest of the class will be the ambitious, truly creative sort who'll improve and go on to publication.

The 1000 or so submissions made per month to Woman's Weekly will be made up of a mixture of these three groups. My point? The percentage of publishable material being sent to mag editors is only marginally greater than it was a few years back. I'll wait for an editor to contradict me on this!

As for the 'Too few slots' theory:
Let's knock this one on the head, shall we? Okay, some mags have closed their doors to fiction. Bella, Woman, Chat to name 3, but how many did they publish a week? One? Maybe 2? And did you ever sell to them?

The good news is, the remaining mags have actually increased their slots. Take Woman's Weekly, as an example. There's the weekly, the bi-monthly and the seasonal specials.

And think how many foreign markets have opened up. When I started writing for publication back in 2000, I only submitted to the UK market, mainly because I was unaware I could sell overseas. Now there's Australia, Sweden, South Africa, Norway, Denmark, India, Ireland etc.

Only the other day I found a fresh market...or rather the market found me as the editor saw one of my stories in another mag and wanted it for her own - yes, I know that comes across as a bit of trumpet blowing there but I have an ego to sustain ;0) Anyway, I struck while the iron was hot and sent her more. She's rejected 2 as being too short for her current needs but is considering the others.

So my conclusion is, yes, there are better writers than me out there and always will be. But my recent failings have been entirely my own. I'm not selling as many stories because I'm not writing as many. I KNOW it's true. Think on!

There endeth today's lesson x

Sale surprise

2009-08-24T17:20:00.003+01:00

Just when I thought August would pass without a sale I get home to a lovely message from a magazine editor who's read one of my stories in another magazine (different country) and wants to buy it. A good fee too and all for no extra work on my part. I'm thrilled to bits!

Pussycat update

2009-08-24T17:09:00.003+01:00

Theo's been able to come home for the night (after a day of Xrays) but is going back to the vets tomorrow when he'll undergo a Temporal Mandibular Condylectomy - in layman's terms, removal of a fused piece of bone in his lower jaw. He will stay at the vets for a few days and will be fed by tube to ensure he keeps up his fluids. They are also going to update his boosters as it's best to do this at the time to keep his immune system at its best.

Thanks to all my lovely, lovely friends for offers of support. Whether it be in the form of a donation or prayers, it's all equally appreciated! I can't thank you enough!xxx

Donations to go directly to the vets at:

Wildbore Veterinary Group
5 Newcastle St
Worksop
Nottinghamshire
S80 2AS
Tel:01909 472059

If you could please include a little note to say it's towards treatment for Theo Houghton, belonging to Amy Houghton.

Many, many thanks again. xxx

Appeal

2009-08-23T12:51:00.005+01:00

There's been one uplifting event this weekend - the support of some lovely friends regarding my daughter Amy's cat.

Originally a rescue cat, Theo was knocked down by a car about 6 weeks ago and needed his tail amputated and other treatment which cost Amy £500. The family rallied round to help her settle the bill (she's in a decent job but, like most young people, mortgaged to the hilt)and we all thought he was on the mend but it now seems he must've sustained a broken jaw.

Amy noticed he was making a mess when he ate and on investigation, it seems his lower jaw has fused, so you can imagine that's not a good thing. He's due at the vets for an X-ray tomorrow and then they'll decide what's to be done.

Amy simply doesn't have the cash to fund another expensive op - her insurance won't cover it as it's part of his original condition and she's not on any benefits therefore doesn't qualify for charity help - so she's made an appeal on Facebook for help. So far there's been a steady flow of pledges - all money to be sent direct to the vets that way people know its kosher. If you'd like to help please don't send any cash yet until the out-come of tomorrow's meeting with the vet when she'll post again. She's hoping they'll provide some payment plan...I was going to say 'to take the sting out of the tail'.

Apologies if this seems an awful cheek but we want our little man home and well again.

Home Alone

2009-08-23T11:56:00.004+01:00

Himself and son No. 2 took off for a weekend's fishing in Norfolk on Friday afternoon leaving me to the luxury of a quiet few days writing...not to mention slobbing around, catching up on daytime TV and staying in bed until 9am! For someone who's up at around 6.30 five days a week, that was a real treat.

Mind you, son no. 3 did wake me this morning to let me know a Man of War had been spotted on the beach. In case I was in any doubt, he stressed he meant the jellyfish-like creatures that can deliver a potentially deadly sting and not a terrorist stalking the sands with an AK 49. Yes, thanks, Adam but that didn't make it any easier to go back to sleep. Bad enough I worry about my kids every time they get in the car/go for a night out/indulge in extreme sports etc., I now have the added worry of jelly fish attacks!

But back to the writing - I'd posted off 2 re-hashed stories to Take A Break on the Friday morning thinking I'd get at least one complete story done by today but all I've managed are 3 weak beginnings that fizzled out when I realised they were becoming predictable. Never mind, I'll put them aside with the other 100 or so 'started' stories and look at them afresh some other time.

For no other reason...

2009-08-22T09:40:00.019+01:00

...than they're pretty! Isn't this modern arrangement gorgeous? They were a birthday gift from my daughter. The roses were from Himself, the lily bouquet from my parents and the spiky plant was from my brother.

Thing with flowers is, the moment they come into my possession, they start to wilt. No, seriously, I mean within hours they start to droop even though I do all the right things like, you know, cut the stems on the slant, add flower food...someone suggested a dash of lemonade helps to keep them perky but the only place lemonade works for me is in a vodka.

I should probably stick to artificial or dried flowers, but they're dust-gatherers...well they would be in my house. And aren't they supposed to be bad feng shui? Apparently not if you keep 'their energy fresh'. If they accumulate dust (or dog hairs) then they'd emanate dried and lifeless energy and there's enough dried lifeless energy around here thank you!

I love the way the bright orange spike on this plant matches the pot. Apparently they come in reds and purples too. The label says to water it from the top so that the moisture settles in the leaves not on the soil. This might ensure its survival because the soil in all my potted plants tends to go mouldy and smelly - victims of my over-enthusiastic watering technique!

It's my birthday today!

2009-08-18T09:39:00.013+01:00

Yes, today, the 18th August I'm...not telling! I had my birthday celebration on Sunday - the family took me out for a Chinese meal at The Flaming Dragon in Sheffield, just opposite the Arena. It's buffet-style with everything you can imagine...and some things you couldn't. The photo on the left is of me and mine though I've just realised my son Adam and his girlfriend Joanne are missing - I think they'd gone up to the buffet for dessert. Pity my eldest son Russ and his partner Maria weren't there but getting the whole clan together when they live in different parts of the country is difficult. Still, they sent me a lovely gift and Russ called to wish me a Happy Birthday. Oh and he bought me a mini voice recorder key fob that'll come in handy for when I'm out and about. Quicker than getting out the jotter.

At the end of our meal, about a dozen waiters sang to me and gave me a joke birthday cake which even had a candle on the top! Nice touch isn't it? Bit difficult dividing it between 10 though!

Today I'm having a quiet day writing. Mum's called with flowers and a pot plant from my brother. If only the sun would come out, my day would be complete. Still, you can't have everything.

My name is Sue and I'm an addict

2009-08-12T11:08:00.007+01:00

I need help. I'm a hoarder and compulsive buyer of books and it has to stop. NOW! It'd take me a year to get through my 'to read pile' yet I've asked for more books for my birthday. Why? When I can't keep up with what I already have.

I have 2 bookcases in my house; 1 is to the ceiling around 3ft wide and has 6 shelves crammed full, the other one is slightly smaller with 3 shelves, again busting at the seams. Then upstairs I have shelves in 2 bedrooms again overflowing. Plus there're books stuffed behind the sofa, in wardrobes and under beds.
Yesterday I decided enough is enough. I need to thin them out. It isn't that I don't know where to send them - there're dozens of people would be grateful for them - it's the act of giving them up I can't face. I find it sooo painful to let them go! I feel like an addict doing cold turkey.

My collection falls into several categories.

There're those I've read and enjoyed so much I'm loathe to chuck because, well, um, I might find them useful as reference for my own work.

Obviously, any reference books on writing I cant possibly ditch even though I can quote them word for word.

Ditto dictionaries and 'Year' books even though this info can be mostly accessed on-line.

Some fiction I haven't even read but cant possibly get rid off them because I'll eventually get around to doing so...when exactly? 2012???

There're those I've tried to read and didn't finish for various reasons - usually because they weren't to my taste BUT I cant ditch because I may come back to them later...but probably won't. But you never know, do you? Take The Time Traveller's Wife - couldn't get into it but now the film's out I feel compelled to try once again.

Then there're the signed editions from my fave authors I'd NEVER EVER give up because I love them and their work.

Then there're those signed editions of books I'd never normally buy (Know Your Newt??)but did so because the author looked lonely there behind her/his table in the bookshop and we had a nice chat about the writing game etc.

Recognise my dilemma? I bet you do. Anyway, yesterday, I began the task of getting rid. I took 2 large carrier bags of books to the charity shop but had to park right outside, run in, dump them and run out again before I bought more to replace them.

Today I've filled two more large bags. I don't think I can face another trip to Barnardo's in case I fall off the wagon.

Blog Takeover Day

2009-08-11T12:21:00.015+01:00

Hello, I’m Maggie Dearly and Sue’s asked me to take over her blog for today. I’m thrilled, if a little bemused, because I’ve always thought of myself as a secondary character in her novel. Surely she’d want one of the main protagonists to scribble something - the MPs being Alex and Roisin* not forgetting Sandra. Alex is my son, by the way, the lovely Roisin is his employee (at least in the beginning)and Sandra is...well, maybe I’ll keep that to myself for now. Don’t want any spoilers do we?

Where was I? Oh yes, Sue assures me I’m important because my role is pivotal to the plot - without me there’d be no conflict.

‘And we all know why a story needs conflict, don’t we, Maggie?’

And there was me thinking she’d only invented my character because every good family saga**needs a clichéd, menopausal widow to bounce clever dialogue off.

So now I’m here, being pivotal, what am I expected to talk about?

My only claim to fame is I was once sacked from a charity shop, for calling Cherie Blair a ‘F*****g greedy cow’. As I told her security at the time how was I to know she’d come to officially open the premises? She looked nothing like the grinning Cheshire cat we see on the telly. I thought she was one of the girls from the pie shop next door come to get her hands on the best stuff before we opened. And for the record, you can’t sack someone from voluntary work.

Alex was a bit put out at the time. He didn’t say as much but I think he was worried my actions would reflect on his business. As if the whole of Throcking Pava would boycott his cafe because the owner’s mother had denied the then PM’s wife a 50p bud vase. Honestly! He worries too much. He takes after his father...

Talking of which, I do miss my husband, William, despite what Roisin thinks she saw. Okay, I admit, Mr Chen*** was in my house naked but everything else is entirely down to her imagination. Except for the wacky baccy. That I do regret. That and a certain course of action taken almost three decades ago.

Still, we came through it all in the end. Well, we had to or the novel would have an unsatisfactory conclusion and we can’t have that in a best-seller can we?

TTFN!

* ‘Roisin’ (pronounced Roe-sheen) has one of those funny accents above the ‘o’ but I don’t know how to find the symbol on here and everyone calls her Raz in the book so I don’t know why Sue’s so insistent I point it out but she's the writer so I have to indulge her.

**Saga isn’t how Sue would describe it. More a romantic comedy...about family loyalties and bonds...and other family stuff. So a saga, really.

***Zsui Chen, holistic practitioner – responsible for flushing my colon once a month.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY QUILFORD AND THANKS FOR THE IDEA BEHIND THIS BLOG ENTRY!

Please vote!

2009-08-11T09:06:00.008+01:00

There're hundreds of 'How To' books on writing out there and I think I've read most, if not all, of them. Obviously, when a writer friend pens one I'm going to buy it - I'm nice like that ;0)But seriously, Wannabe A Writer? by Jane Wenham-Jones is definitely one for the bookshelf whether you're a newbie writer or an experienced one.
To get to my point and yes, this is unashamed begging but I don't care because Jane deserves it - Wannabe a Writer? has been nominated in a little award thingy to do with independent publishers.
Please go to The People's Book Prize website and look in the non-fiction section and vote for it. Pretty please!

And even if you don't want to vote (shame on you!) you can still get more info on Jane's book here.

And there's lots more on her website here

Today I am mostly...

2009-08-07T12:18:00.010+01:00

...clearing up as I spent most of yesterday away from the pooter doing a spot of decorating in the sitting room. We're having a new fireplace fitted soon and I needed to freshen up the paintwork where the old one's been ripped out. Except once I started touching up I realised just how many shades of magnolia there are and ended up doing the whole room.

We'd had an idea the old gas fire was faulty. The pilot light would spark but wouldn't stay lit - a safety feature I think. The man who came to disconnect it said it was leaking but strangely our carbon monoxide detector hadn't gone off. Maybe not leaking enough? Dunno.

Anyway, we decided we'd replace it with an ultra-modern electric one. It's high gloss black, with coals and 3D Enviraflame technology (I'm copyng from the brochure here). Course, being modern, it didnt suit the old pine surround so we're changing that too, to a Sandstone one, blocky-looking, no mantle. I think we got a bargain but as with all DIY jobs, it's the little 'add-ons' you don't expect that hike up the cost.

First there's the emulsion, new paint rollers and tray.

'We don't need new, there's a stack of 'em in the shed' - Himself.
'But there're spiders in the shed' - Me.

The new hearth has rounded corners whereas the last one was square so it'll leave an unsightly gap in the flooring hence we'll need someone to come out and give us a quote for patching in and I'm guessing our particular wood veneer is now discontinued etc etc.

Himself has always hated the mirror (I it bought second-hand about 15 years ago)which hung above the fireplace so he's suggested now would be a good time to replace it, 'With some art'. Well, we've argued about this 'art' for some time now and I'm no nearer to agreeing that a 4x4 canvas of stampeding horses would look tasteful.

Thing is, I can't come up with an alternative. I've trawled eBay and nothing jumps out at me. I'd like a watercolour, pastel colours, maybe something to remind me of a past holiday. Nothing floral, or abstract and definitely no nudes please! Having said that, on the opposite wall I have a sepia artwork of a Roman lady in a diaphanous frock, boobies on show and her arms flung with abandon above her head! Maybe it's time for that to go too.

Top Tip: Don't decorate with doors and windows flung wide when fields are being harvested close by. A swarm of those tiny bugs descended and unable to swat them away I'm afraid I had no choice but to paint over them. Brings a whole new meaning to textured walls.

Community mags - a possible outlet for the writer.

2009-08-05T12:01:00.011+01:00

Every home-owner complains about the amount of junk mail they receive each week. I know we do Chez Houghton. Himself is threatening to buy one of those paper briquette makers (seen in the Lakeland catalogue - itself unwanted mail) to turn it into cheap fuel...except we have an electric fire so maybe not such a good idea after all.

It's only Wednesday and already Postie has delivered: 1 shoe catalogue, 4 offers to update my fascias, 2 offers on Pizzas, 2 charity leaflets and a holiday brochure for luxury cruises. Annoying.

Why did I start this post?...Oh yes, community magazines. Before you confine them to the bin as junk mail, think again. Not only are they useful for 'what's On' ask yourself if they're a possible outlet for your articles/short stories?

I've seen a few community mags come and go in my area. Most carried info on church fetes, school football league tables and a plethora of adverts for double glazing and plumbing services. Not much chance of placing my work, albeit for free.

Then a copy of Worksop Life dropped through my door. Of course it carries adverts and lots of them - it wouldn't be viable without them - but it seemed a bit more 'grown up'. The August issue (A5 and glossy colour by the way) has book reviews, an article on E-Readers, computer advice, puzzles, a fashion page, even a recipe for BBQ bananas and...a short story by me!

All it took was a brief email to the editors to ask if they were interested and hey presto...a couple of weeks later I get a double spread of 800 words plus pic and bio. Before you writers out there hold up your hands in horror at the 'write for free' ethic, this was a story that had come Highly Commended in a recent on-line writing competition but didn't seem to 'fit' anywhere else and I hate to see a story languish on the hard-drive. IMO, better to showcase it for free than not at all. Plus, I enjoyed taking part in something close to home and if it raises my profile locally, then that's all to the good.

In case you were wondering - I submitted A Bit Of A Do to My Weekly and though they liked the humour the editor didn't want the mother dead at the end...um, that was the whole point of the twist so I declined to change it - something I wouldn't normally do.

Worksop Life - Community magazine and business directory is delivered free in Bassetlaw every month. Edited by Leanne Lodge and Julian Broadhead. Email: worksoplife@tesco.net or Tel: 01472881104

You Have Reached Your Destination...or have you?

2009-08-03T11:36:00.004+01:00

Did you hear the story about the Swedish couple who fancied a road trip to the Isle of Capri but set their sat nav co-ordinates wrong and ended up in Carpi, an industrial town in Italy some 400 miles off destination?

Maybe the analogy is stretching it somewhat, but as with that couple, I was so keen to get a recently written short story to its destination asap I made mistakes. I grant you, unlike Capri, Norah McGrath's desk at Take A Break is hardly a place of natural beauty and busy glitz (well, it might be, who knows?) but had I let my manuscript get to her in its present form I'd have regretted it.

Why? Because it wasn't right - it needed 'something'. The resolution came too easily, for one thing, I could see that immediately on re-read. The plot was a good one and hopefully it's as original as it can be considering every idea seems to have been done to death, but just by letting it drop out of my thoughts and coming to it fresh a day later, I could see how I could make it better. Hopefully, that's what I've done and it's now on its way to Norah who still may reject it for any number of reasons but hopefully not because it's poorly written.

I'll let you know in about 3 month's time!

PS. I make no excuses for my blog posts being poorly written but I'm not getting paid for them, so I don't care.

PPS.I've never seen a photo of Norah. Seen pics of most eds but never one of her.

Submission services anyone?

2009-07-30T13:42:00.007+01:00

At the risk of being accused of lifting snippets from other blogs I do think any wannabe novelist should read the post on the use of submission services at How Publishing Really Works.

Puss Pass

2009-07-30T13:16:00.004+01:00

Don't you love those cutsie stories they use to finish off the news? Loved today's gem about a puss called Casper, who, for the past few months, has been catching the number 3 bus outside his home in Plymouth, Devon. He hops aboard, snuggles down on the back seat and enjoys the ride. The driver drops him off on the return journey.

Apparently his owner didn't know about his antics until the bus company, First, informed her. First has even put up a notice in the canteen alerting drivers to take good care of him. Ah, makes you go all warm inside, doesn't it? Wonder how long it'll be before Health & Safety get a whiff of it? One way or another his joyriding will be stopped, mark my words.

Photo and more details here.

Splish, splash, splosh!

2009-07-29T14:29:00.013+01:00

Photo opposite is the view from the dining room where I'm typing this!

Isn't the weather depressing? What happened to summer? I can't recall a day since about May when it hasn't rained at some point during the day. This morning started well with a little sunshine, then around 9.30am the skies darkened and down it came. Hasn't stopped since.

Hmm, an ice-cream van just turned up outside my house - who in their right mind buys ice-cream on a day like today? Talk about optimism!

Where was I? Oh yes, I was moaning about the weather which brings me to point out that I live on a smallish 70's housing estate with poor Broadband reception and drains that flood every time there's sustained rainfall...no, the two things aren't connected but seeing as I've had intermittent Broadband all day, I'm feeling a tad wound up about it! What with that and the TV signal being interrupted...

Anyway, remember the floods a couple of years ago? You were unaffected? Well, parts of where I live were underwater for over a week...some even longer. If this keeps up, it's going to happen again. The main road between our house and our business premises is particularly fun to navigate today, with fountains of water gushing from displaced manhole covers. Note to parents of children happily splashing around in it...THIS IS SEWAGE WATER! This fact is evident when the rain stops and the water subsides. The road is littered with...you can guess!

The photo opposite is of Bridge Street in Worksop at the time of the last flood. Photo taken from Worksop Guardian.

Several houses on this estate were flooded back then (thankfully not ours)and those worst affected were the ones lying below the road level. Not sure who took the blame, the council, the house builders or Severn Trent, but anyway, defense gates were installed which in the main were pretty ineffective. So for the next 5 weeks the road is being dug up to sort out the drainage problem once and for all. This means 3-way traffic lights have been installed to aide the flow of vehicles coming off the main A57 into Worksop.

PLEASE, please can the authorities leave these lights in place when the work is completed because for the first time since I've lived here I can get in and out of the estate with ease. AND more importantly, it would prevent parents parking their cars on the double yellows outside the school gates which snarls up traffic at peak times. And before you inundate me with angry comments about how parents need to transport their offspring by car because of danger from paedophiles etc, I'm not interested in your whining. The road in question is narrow, extremely busy, has yellow hatching and double yellows and is the only exit off the estate PLUS there are 2 car parks within 20 yards so bl**dy well use them!

Whew, I feel better already ;o)

New Template

2009-07-25T15:14:00.003+01:00

Do you like my new template? Hope so as it's taken me the best part of today to get it right...well, almost right. It still needs a little faffing with and tweaks here and there but on the whole I'm quite taken with it.

I think everything I need has been brought over from the old site. If anything's missing I'll find it and add it later.

Still having problems getting the 'followers' pane to appear but I understand it has something to do with an incompatibilty between Google Friends (or was it Google Contacts?) and the old 'followers' format. I'm probably wrong but hey-ho!

Sent to Coventry?

2009-07-24T20:16:00.006+01:00

Where have all my followers gone? I thought it was just me who'd been deserted, but I've looked on a few of my favourite blogs and their gadget seems to have disappeared completely, too.

I visited The Real Blogger Status and there're lots of disgruntled bloggers with similar problems. According to Google Support the problem is resolved but obviously it isn't. What's going on? Hackers? A simple glitch?

And now my anti-virus has kicked in so that'll slow things up for the next few hours! Don't you just love computers?

PS to Twenties Girl Post

2009-07-24T13:46:00.004+01:00

Okay, 2 rejections dropped into my in-box this morning so I'm feeling about as bright and creative as...as a dimly lit uncreative...thing. In an effort to cheer myself up I've baked a carrot cake and I nipped out to the shop to buy a hardback copy of Sophie's Twenties Girl. I got it half price so don't whine on at me about waiting for the cheaper paperback and anyway, my depression calls for chuckles Sophie-style so there!

And if any of my kids are reading this (I doubt it, I bullied them into being 'followers' but I suspect they haven't paid a visit since) sorry, if you were planning on getting a copy for my birthday. You'll have to think of something else...like another book.

Oh and Mum texted me from Bulgaria this morning. She's in her 70's and though she's had a mobile phone for ages, she only learned to text a couple of days ago. So, this morning I get a text from her that goes like this: HANBAGS!(sic) Guchi, Dolchi, jimmy choo, prada - small or large - choose.
From this I'm assuming she's met some dodgy geezer in a back street selling knock-off/fake stuff. Honestly!

PS - I chose Jimmy Choo.